Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas, Ya'll!

Merry Christmas, my little blogger kittens (all 3 of you!)

First of all, let's remember the reason for the season. Christ was born for us and all that, and I am totally appreciative.  Thanks little baby Jesus!

Anyways, after preparing a Christmas Eve dinner (originally planned for my grandmom and parents and I), that only consisted of the strained relationship that is my parents and I ... I am a little (read: pretty goshdarn) drunk, and quite thoughtful.

As kids, my big brother (whom I call "Bubs") and I used to always engage in viewing our very favorite film, A Christmas Carol (old skool 1951 version) with our dad.  My dad always would say the same commentary, at the exact same moment; but that was part of the sheer joy of watching with him.  We always would go to mass, had a huge Christmas Eve dinner with our beloved grandparents, and then would watch our movie.  As a family with very few traditions, we took our movie as a sacred act.  I bought a copy of the movie for my brother, dad, and myself ... just in case.  My amazing, hilarious, chivalrous, old skool, flamboyant grandadddy who used to watch with us has since passed, but we still have to carry on his memory with stories of his old days. 
Side note: Puppy, I miss the crap out of you ... I love thinking about our stories together and I genuinely know that Bubs and I were your favorite grandkids (honestly, no freakin competition) ... but I hate smelling B&B when we drink in your honor.  Why couldn't you just like wine, cranberry and vodka, or something with a little sweet in it or something else?  Anyways, you were the best damn grandaddy in the entire world and I miss you every damn day.  You are my hero and the reason why it is impossible to find a man "worthy" of my love (and the like)
Anyways, back to present day: my big brother went off and got married.  He isn't spending the holidays with us, which I understand ... but am totally bummed about.  He and his bride (my dear sister-in-law, A.) make a huge effort to chat with us on Skype (which absolutely BOGGLES my parents, whom are exceptionally technology impaired) on holidays ... but it just isn't the same.  I genuinely miss my big brother watching that stupid traditional Christmas movie.  And I really miss having him as my date to midnight mass at our old church.  I hate being the only drunk member of our family attending midnight mass.  Don't worry, we're Catholic, so I'm one of about 300 in the congregation who are inebriated.

Anyways, I was just thinking about how much I miss my big bro and about the old traditions of my years past.  Additionally, I think about a text that I sent to my bestest friend growing up, Hillwee:
Dear Santa,
Please don't "bless" me with more idiot friends who are engaged this holiday season, for the fear that I will vomit.
Not to say that engagements aren't lovely.  Some of my very best friends are married and/or engaged.  But come onnnnn!  Way to hit me when I'm down!  What with not having a date to watch an old skool Xmas movie and go to mass with (ie: my brother)

Am I that pathetic?  Yes.  Do I care?  A little.

Merry Christmas to everyone.  And I'm serious about remembering the reason for the season.  Little baby Jesus is the shiz (in all seriousness) who was born for our sins.  And I have a lot.  Thanks, little baby Jesus. 

Merry Christmas!! And as of December 26, happy birthday to the best friend ever, Miss Lauren C ... Christmas and your birthday are two separate holidays.  I am just too lazy to discuss both.  But I love you almost as much as little baby Jesus.  Which means a lot.

Cat Lady, Carlton, and Mustacho (who were locked in my bedroom for 4 hours this afternoon so that my parents and I could enjoy our Christmas Eve dinner)

Friday, December 16, 2011


Happy Friday, ya'll!  I'm all geared up for a busy day/night ... for some reason I thought it would be brilliant to have most of my stress-packed, busy, important meetings on Fridays.  Specifically one at 9am and one at 2pm (with many between).  Stupid me.

Anywaysss, there are other reasons for an extra busy day/night ... tonight is the annual pot luck Christmas party at my bar.  Always a blast, always full of my favorite drunks.  In prep for the bar party, I also need to do a little cooking.  Per one of my favorite customer's request (featured in my Dear Bargirl ... post), I will be making deviled eggs, as well as cornbread and mac and cheese. 

Unfortunately, I got a little drunk last night at karaoke (a hilarious experience, and no I did not sing) and decided to take a drunken trip to Walmart to get some groceries (read: snacks).  The random items in my cart included: vinegar, buttermilk, 2 frozen dinners, Cool Ranch Doritos, ice cream, and 2 doughnuts that I insisted on punching holes in to assure that they had cream in the middle ... Unfortunately, I forgot the eggs that I desperately needed for said deviled eggs, mac and cheese, and cornbread.  Oops.  So, I'll be taking a little trip to the local store to get some eggs.  Which, side note, I like to call eggels.

Tonight should be a blast, so if you're in the middle of nowhere, Baltimore County, please stop by for some fun!

Here's a little listy of what fills my heart up today:
  • Kitcats, obviously.
  • My bonus came in yesterday (2 weeks early, woohoo!), so I can finally buy the last of my Christmas presents
  • I have some PTO coming up, which makes me super dooper happy.  No huge plans, just a lot of relaxation and getting random stuff done around the house
  • The holiday "get together" (read: drunkfest) up in my corp office is next week ... looking forward to seeing my work buddies and getting some work done up there
  • I went to a new psychic a few days ago and she was spot on ... very insightful and gave me a different view on a few things.  If you haven't checked out a psychic before, I highly recommend it
I'm off to finish up some meetings, get some eggs, and cook before heading into one of the jolliest drunkfests of the year


Monday, December 12, 2011

New Fav Quote

As I was catching up on some of my DVR-d shows on the couch with Carlton and Mustacho, I came across Kourtney and Kim Take New York.  Of course I was excited to catch up on the going-ons of my favorite huge assed bitches, so i cuddled a little closer to the cats and hunkered down.

Towards the end of the show, Scott announced my favorite quote of all time, ever:

"I think my new fantasy would be to get a really really really big big tv and a really comfortable couch and just start eating and eating and eating and eating"

Hilarious!  Scott, my advice is that you ditch the snitch and hop on the Catlady train, because I can and will fulfill that fantasy.  Sigh.  Ooo dreammmm weaverrrrr

I Wanna Quit the Gym!

I'm ashamed to admit how much money I've spent in the past year paying for a gym membership that I rarely use.  However, the time has come to quit the gym. 

Is it horrible that the only thing I can think of when I consider calling up Brick Bodies and telling them that "I wanna quit the gym!!" is the Friends episode?

My yearly contract is up and I am more than ready to save the $40 a month.  What shall I spend it on?  Chocolate?  Tubs o lard?  Pants in bigger sizes?

Wish me luck!

Friday, December 9, 2011


Happy Friday, Ya'll!  Gonna try to keep it short and sweet cuz I have a busy day with both jobs ...  here's what I'm oh so thankful for today:
  • Mustacho, who is currently sitting on my lap (and keeping me warm!) and Carlton who is drinking from his water bowl super loud--they are the cutest little critters ever
  • I finally turned on the heat a few days ago and it feels marvelous!!  Ugh, heat, I love you.  Gas and electric bill, I don't wanna talk about it.
  • After a lot of stress, hard work, and a few tears ... my client should be ready for a re-training after last week's fiasco.  Thanks for the support, ya'll!
  • Last night, I got to have dinner and go bowling with some of my very favorite people, Pumpkin/Squash and Mr. and Mrs. Lauren C.  My head and tummy are not too excited about working this morning, but I had a blast.  My apologies to the 6 people left in the bowling ally by the end of the night who had to witness a) my singing and dancing to PYT, b) my little fall while trying to bowl (those allies really are slick!!), and c) my loud mouth screaming about how terrific (read: horrible) I am at bowling.  Basically, I had a blast.  The end.
  • I have most of my Christmas shopping complete, as well as about 3/4 of my Christmas cards written.  Just have to find some dough to be able to complete the shopping list and we're golden ...
  • I have 11 (yes, 11!!!) PTO days left until the end of the year ... unfortunately, I don't have a career where I can easily pull off taking 11 of the next 14 working days off, but I do plan to take a few days here and there.  Yesterday, for example, I took off 3 hours to nap, shop, and generally relax.  I plan to be doing a lot more of that cuz it was divine.
Happy Friday to one and all!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Gross Me the Frick Out

Did anyone catch this lovely show on TLC?!?!  It's a little diddy titled The Virgin Diaries.  And yes, this couple shared their first kiss (among other things) on their wedding day.  He was 31, she 27.  And he expressed how weird it was to kiss his wife and how "unnatural" it felt. 

You seriously can't make this shit up.  And I love it.  TLC, I need more!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Hell Hath No Fury ...

Guys and gals, I have had quite the difficult week, work-wise.  To avoid boring details, basically I just had a coworker majorly screw over a big client of mine and made every effort possible to pass the blame off on everyone but himself. 

I work from home and I love the ability to work in this little bubble and not worry much about office politics.  I have some fantastic coworkers that I absolutely thank my lucky stars for, and whom I genuinely enjoy seeing every few weeks when I head up to the corporate office.

This one coworker in particular and I have never really been the best of buddies.  I quickly saw though his decent looks and his cocky demeanor, even as an intern.  We used to work together, solo, a lot and I hated him with a passion.  Anytime something wasn't done properly on his end, the blame would be placed on me.  Anytime he missed the buck on something, it was my issues to resolve.

I am not the type of person who demands or even really cares about praise.  If I'm doing my job right, then the only praise that I need is the satisfaction that I am doing my job.  I don't need someone to waste their time patting me on the back; just let me do my job well, and you work on doing the same.

Anyways, back to the issue at hand ... Dickweed Coworker (as I will now be referring to him as) really put things in a funk with my client and I have been livid about it for weeks.  Starting on Wednesday, I realized how majorly he screwed over my client, which of course set me into a tizzy.  I have been spending the past 3 days putting this fire out and trying to control my rage.

Which brings us to the convo I had with my dear friend, Mizz J regarding why I've been having a bad few days.  My response?

"Hell hath no fury like a (Catlady) who's clients have been fucked with by an asshole coworker"

And with that ... happy Friday!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Chelsea Handler's View on Cats

As I traveled from Baltimore to Boston and back in a matter of 12 hours, I was able to re-read one of my favorite easy reads, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by the hilarious Chelsea Handler.  I have known from past experience not to read her books in public (specifically ones I've already read before), as they often cause me to burst into laughter at inappropirate times and in inappropriate places.

Some of you may be aware of my "healthy" love for our feline friends.  However, even I think that Ms. Handler's hatred for kitties is hilarious:
"It doesn't matter if it's an outdoor cat.  It will still take a shadoobie in the backyard and walk right back in the house all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, like 'Hey, what'd I miss?'  I'll tell you what you missed, you cat, you missed wiping your ass!" ("Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" Chelsea Handler page 22)
Funny stuff, I tell ya.  Not funny when I spit out my Coke Zero on the plane after reading it, but still funny anyway.  Thanks Chelsea.

Friday, November 18, 2011


Well, it's that time of year again, folks ... Fakesgiving!  I started a tradition last year with some of my good friends to host a Fakesgiving dinner about a week before Thanksgiving.  Last night marked the second Fakesgiving dinner and it was quite the production.  Invitees included Mr. and Mrs. Lauren C; Pumpkin and Squash; two neighbors (whom we went to high school with as well); and Mrs. Lauren C's cousin and his girlfriend who are turning into some of my favorite people--mostly because her cousin's gf (we'll call her R) laughs at everything I say, and honestly, I really like that in a person.

The week started off innocently enough.  Mrs. Lauren C and I went grocery shopping together (and I got the deal of all deals on my turkey--spend $75 and you get 66% off a birdie!  What a bargain!).  Unfortunately, my work threw a little wrench into the plan and I had to go up to Boston for a day trip on Wednesday.  By a day trip, I mean a 6am flight up and what was supposed to be a 6:30pm flight back--which was bumped a bit later due to storms.  Anyways, I got home around 10:30ish and did a bit of cooking.  Ya know, because it's normal to bake cornbread at 11 at night!

My biggest concern was making sure that Hank, our 25lb turkey (named, of course after the turkey in my new favorite show New Girl) would be able to thaw out in time.  As you may or may not know, I have two very bad kitty boys who like to eat everything and anything.  Leaving my friend Hank in the sink to thaw overnight was not an option.  So, I chose the most reasonable location to place Hank ... the tub.  And honestly, it worked out perfectly and Hank was freakin delicious.  Good thing no one ever reads this blog, or PETA would be on my ass like white on bread.  Don't worry folks, I was a vegetarian (or, as I liked to phrase it ... carbatarian) for 7 years.  And now, I am making up for lost time by eating copious amounts of Hank.

Yesterday started off very early by preparing my buddy Mrs. Lauren C's disgusting sauerkraut, which I cook low and slow all day.  That smell is one of my least favorites, but since Mrs. Lauren C happens to be one of my very favorites, I allow it. 

I baked and cooked most of the day, in between a few work-related calls, emails, meetings, etc.  How dare work get in the way of my Fakesgiving feast?!  Almost all of the cooking was done by the time my buddies started arriving.

The meal was a hit, even if it was served a full hour post-schedule.  Thanks to all of my buddies for attending, and sorry to kitten boys for locking you up in my bedroom for 6 straight hours.  Happy Fakesgiving!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

(Almost) Friday

I'm really trying to get back in the swing of being a more involved blogger, but I am unable to post my weekly Friday post tomorrow, because two of my dear friends are getting married!!  I'll be leaving for Savannah, GA in the wee hours of the morning tomorrow and plan to have a blast celebrating with my sorority sisters and loved ones.

Other than celebrating the beautiful, lovely marriage of my friends, I have many other things to be thankful for:
  • No work tomorrow for Veteran's Day!
  • I'm making plans for my annual Fakesgiving dinner (ie: Thanksgiving with friends) for next week, and can't wait for all the yummy food, plentiful drinks, and lots of laughs.
  • Yesterday I had some much needed me time that my poor friends had to hear all about last night (sorry, Mrs. Lauren C, Mizz J, and Mally)
  • Going wedding dress shopping for my dear friend, Squash on Sunday
  • Of course, my kitten babies are amazing, handsome, and overwhelmingly loving as always
Sending out good thoughts and vibes to my friend over at And I Can't Help but Wonder ... who is sick this week :(  Feel better, boo!

Have a great weekend!
XOXO, Catlady

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

A Search for a Calendar

I've been on the hunt for an advent calendar that we had as little kids ... it was a tree with 25 little plush ornaments that you move onto the tree as the days go on.  My brother and I would alternate who would move an ornament onto the tree each day and were constantly arguing over who got to move the Santa.  No joke, we were arguing about this when we came home from college--not just when we were little.  Duh, Santa gets moved on the 24th ... but if my brother was given odd number days one year, he'd be moving that Santa on the 3rd, the 5th, the 17th, every single odd day in December.  Used to drive me nuts.

Anyways, I've been on the hunt for a similar calendar since I graduated from college and moved out on my own.  Although it sounds ridiculous, my big bro and I had really lovely memories with this calendar and I guarantee if he found out I had the tree calendar, he'd still be trying to be the one to put the Santa up.

In my hunt for lovely advent calendars, I have found some of the following creepy finds:




I do believe I'd rather not have an advent calendar than have any of the above.  Bah humbug and the like.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Catlady's Steps to Gettin Paid ... BLAM.

The above is the new title to my proposed book (copyright pending).  A coworker was telling me that he wasn't getting paid for all the work he was doing on a side job ... which sparked the idea to create a book to empower nice guys.

I basically initiated this idea by telling my beloved nice guy coworker to follow the simple guideline to his biznass model: WWCD (What Would Catlady Do) ... and honestly, What Catlady Would Do is kick some tush!!

The dedication to the book that I've created is as follows: To all the nice boys out there who need kep kickin asses and takin names ... especially my buddy (name removed for privacy).  I also plan to insert a statement in there regarding my lack of biznass savvy, business degree, or moneys in the bank.  As my dear friend Mizz J says, what I lack in business savvy, I make up for in business sassy!

Chapter One: What did the five fingers say to the face?  SMACK!

The rest of the book obviously is a work in progress, but I plan on making millions on this.  You might want to go ahead and reserve your copy now.

In other news, Carlton ate a chunk of tomato yesterday while I was cooking homemade tomato orzo soup.  Today he ate a carrot while I was reheating said soup.  Carlton is a jerk.

Friday, October 14, 2011


Happy Friday, ya'll!  Here's what fills my heart up today:
  • Baking cupcakes this afternoon for tomorrow's fall festival at my friend's church.  The kids are sooo cute!
  • Celebrating one of my favorite customer's bday's at the bar this weekend ... she's the best and I love when she comes in to play
  • We had our suspicions last night that my brother and sister-in-law were going to announce that they were expecting ... they are NOT, which a-ok with us.  Found out they have a 3-year plan, which is great and Aunty Catlady will be ready when nieces and nephews come!
  • Of course, my kitty babies are amazing and wonderful and adorable.  Here's proof!

Have a great weekend, ya'll!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Blang Nail

Nails ... and Carlton
So, since I haven't blogged about much of anything recently, I have decided to admit to my friends, the readers, that I attempted to follow a trend.  Failed semi-miserably, due to my lack of abilities, but I'll show it anyways.  Hard to see, as I took these pics (to show a friend) last night, but I decided to try out the whole 'only switch up the color on one finger' trend in nail polish. 

Close-up of the
'blang blang' ... and
Are there really nail polish trends?  Sure, cuz I said so.  Anyways, I started off with Essie's "Over the Edge" (ie: dark grey/blue) and decided to spice it up with a little "Carnival" (ie: super amazing silver sparkle) on my ring fingers.  The result?  A little tacky, a little amazing.  Likely not work-appropriate, but let's be honest ... that's what makes me cool.  I've only been in the office for 30 minutes and I've already gotten 3 people to notice.  My new parting line about the topic is "well that's all the blang I'll have on my ring finger for a loooong time, so I think it's justified" (insert the thought "shove it"). 

I went a little nutso at the local Ulta store last night, and bought a few more colors to check out.  I may turn this into a regular thing, so please excuse my horrible cuticles, inability to properly paint with my left hand, and artistic inabilities.  I'm just excited that I finally have nails that I haven't chewed off.

Friday, September 30, 2011


Happy Friday!  My baby Carlton is having a rough day today, so please send good thoughts his way.  He has a patch of fur missing on his little arm and I'm trying to decide if it's something that needs a trip to the vet.  The boys have never been apart before (ever!) so I'm worried about the stress that going to the vet would cause them, but we shall see. 

Here's what fills my heart up today:
  • Had dinner last night with my amazing friend, Squash, and of course had a blast.  We were talking about her wedding plans, and doing the general gossip.  She was pretty devastated that our favorite restaurant didn't have cucumber margaritas AND queso, but it was still a delish meal
  • Rumor has it, my big bro and his wifey are coming to town this weekend.  Hoping to be able to see them and catch up
  • I applied to my dream job a few days ago ... I doubt that I am qualified enough for it, but it is sooo perfect for me.  Fingers crossed!
  • I know I say this every single day (a million times over), but these kitten babies are just terrific.  Love them way too much!
Have a great weekend!

Monday, September 26, 2011

100 Pushups

Ok, so before all you athletic, in-shape folks judge me ... I must initiate this post by explaining that I am so incredibly out of shape.  Several factors come to play in my fatty reasoning.  They are as follows:
  • I have had a membership to a gym since January and can likely count the number of times I've actually worked out there on both hands.  Oops.
  • I like to eat my emotions.  All 100 of them.  Happy?  Ice cream.  Sad?  Pasta.  Excited?  Candy bar.
  • I sit (or lay on the couch ...) alllllll day long for work.  I love watching tv, I sit in front of a computer all day, and I go to bed early.  So sue me.
Anyways, I recently started trying to get better involved in stopping these fatty habits.  Miss Lauren C and I have been going walking recently, and it's so relaxing!  We kinda speed walk, depending upon how heated (ie: disgusting, juicy, or gossipy) the conversation is, so we're actually getting a decent workout in. 

I also recently started participating in this little facebook group called 100 Pushups.  I briefly explained it in Friday's post, and I definitely love the motivation.  I really pushed it on Saturday night and had to finish my last 40 pushups at 2am after coming home from working at the bar (rough!).  Love the motivation factor of holding myself accountable (to these women, other than my friend, that I don't know haha) by recording when I've finished my 100.  I highly recommend it!

In other news, I went grocery shopping and got ice cream, brownie mix, and ham.  Don't worry, I'm still the same Catlady!

Friday, September 23, 2011


Happy Friday, kittens.

Here's what fills my heart up today:
  • Had a amazing, hilarious dinner with one of my old girlfriends last night ... it was super fun to vent, laugh, and drink some delicious margaritas!
  • I took a day off of work today to just relax, mope around, and enjoy this rainy day.  Thus far, exactly what the doctor ordered!  Still have to work tonight, but it's nice to only work one job today
  • My kittens have been so sweet and lovey lately ... Mustacho knows that I'm in a funk and won't leave my side.  He's such a good nurse haha
  • A friend started a facebook group that encourages ppl to do 100 pushups a day, and she is really good about posting her status throughout the day.  I just started yesterday and my arms, back, and chest are feelin the burn!
Please send some prayers to my friend, B ... he's in the hospital and the visiting hours at Union Memorial are terrible :(

Friday, September 16, 2011


Happy Friday, ya'll!!

I have so very much that I'm thankful for this week ... my cup runith over big time.
  • Speaking of cups running over ... I had a LOT to drink last night and I am very thankful that at the moment, I am functioning and not crippled by a margarita and Firefly/lemonade hangover.  Knock on wood.
  • My dear dear friends Pumpkin and Squash are engaged!!  I couldn't be more excited and happy for them ... untillll I was asked to be a bridesmaid!  Ugh I could cry just thinking about it.  I started serving Pumpkin at my bar when he was slightly underage (perhaps like 17, whoops) and he has always been my protector, confidant, and source of sheer entertainment.  I became close with Squash after my two gourds met and I couldn't love her more.  I feel like my little brother and one of my best friends are getting married and I just am absolutely over the moon
  • Squash and I had dinner last night at our favorite Mexican restaurant and of course it was delish
  • I met up with an old friend last night (cue the many more drinks) and it was really fun catching up and joking around
  • I have hated the medicine cabinet in my bathroom since I moved into this apartment in November and they finally replaced it last night--much brighter lights, much more clean, and more space for all my shiz
  • I hung out with my bro and his besty last night until the wee hours of the morning (ok, til like 2am, but for me that is beyondddd past my bedtime).  I haven't seen my brudder in awhile, so it was great catching up and seeing the boys.  Additionally, I paid my brother $5 to drink this disgusting "ChocoVine" (that's right, chocolate wine) that his besty had around "for the ladies" ... of course I didn't just pass him the $5, I made it rain.  On my brother.  Embarrassing.
  • My kitten babies just get more precious by the day and I love love love them way too much!

Friday, September 9, 2011


Happy Friday, kittens!  Here's what fills my heart up this week:
  • Of course, my little kitcats make me the happiest cat mommy in the world
  • A little item called Pinterest has pretty much changed my life (and completely distracts me from work ... oops)
  • Ignore the mess,
    just note the
    cutesy shoes
  • My dearest enabling friend, Miss Lauren C, and I went to a running store in town yesterday.  While I told her that she couldn't let me buy anything, of course I purchased a new pair of running shoes.  The poor fella at the store didn't believe us that we had the same name and was really annoyed by the fact that we preferred pretty shoes over effective ones for running.  Despite the fact that we were surrounded by a ton of very active, very fit children being fitted for new shoes, I wasn't completely discouraged.  Maybe I'll finally start working out?  Did you know that "fitness" shoes aren't supposed to be the same size as your regular shoes?  Apparently I am some monstrous size, but they fit well ... and most importantly, they're pretty dern cute!
  • To that end, I really am trying to make an effort to lose some lbs.  After a bunch of stuff going on in my life, I have most definitely gotten lazy and relied on food way too much for happiness (and I am so not kidding about that, spoken like a true fatty).  I've gained about 8lbs in the past 4 months or so and that makes me kinda sick.  I went over the weight that I said I'd never get up to again, and I'm tired of seeing those numbers!!  And let's get real, I'm tired of my pants not fitting either!  So, on a happy note: what fills me up on this topic is that I may finally be ready to get motivated and start working out.  Huge accomplishment.  We'll see if it lasts!
  • Huge Ravens game coming up on Sunday ... and thus inspires this oh so classy Jam of the Week.  GET IT, BMORE!!!

Happy (almost) bday to Lizzy G!

Cat Lady

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner

As you may have read in my post Dear Bargirl, I had a running bet with one of favorite customers regarding his "love" life.  Well, folks, I finally received a text with those 2 beautiful little words "you win" a few days ago.  Booyahhhh!!!

Let me explain that I adore Boy and was very proud of him for making this goal as highlited in our bet.  He tried, and we will attempt a new wager next year.  In the meantime, I will prepare myself for a fun-filled evening of food, booze, and Boy being sober.  Hoorayy hoorahh

Friday, September 2, 2011


I have a lot to be thankful for today and always, and it's about time that I realize it!!  Here's what fills my heart up today:

  • Carlton and Mustacho ... of course.  They're too precious in every way!  Even when they drive me up a wall
  • Went out to dinner with two of my favorite ladies this week
  • I am so totally in love with my new work laptop
  • Get to see my big bro and his wife this weekend and apparently they're delivering my (2.5 month late!) bday present
  • No work on Monday = zzzz's for me!
Hope everyone has a lovely Labor Day weekend!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I'm baaaack

Holy Cow it's been awhile!

Sorry I haven't been able to post lately.  I do have a few (somewhat) valid reasons for my lack of blogging as of late ...
  • Traveling (for work)
  • My work laptop (and my only source for blogging ... oops) died on me last week.  RIP old laptop, you will not be missed one bit.  I finally got my new laptop this evening and man oh wiz am I in love.  I've decided to name my new laptop Ralph.  Because my old one made me want to hurl.
  • Boring lifestyle ... I really haven't had much to say, even if I have a laptop to write on!
Other than my new laptop, nothing very exciting has happened to me.  I swear, I'm gonna try to find some innerestin stories in my noggin to write about, because even I am boring myself!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Earthquake Shmerthquake

Man oh man, I know that everyone on the east coast is likely talking about this earthquake that hit yesterday ... but I'll quickly put in my two cents.

So I had no idea that it was an 5.9 earthquake until I logged onto thefacebook.  I work from home, remember?  I didn't have a ton of coworkers flipping out about everything shaking.  I honestly thought that it was just some really annoying neighbors or the construction going on down the street.  I knew stuff was shaking, but I kinda just ignored it and continued working.  Duh, self. 

And I quote from a conversation I was g-chatting my friend: "whoa the weirdest thing happened ... my apartment was shaking like an earthquake lol"

Cue to a few minutes later ... "oh man it really was an earthquake."

Smart, Catlady, reallll smart.  In my defense, I'm from Maryland ...we don't experience such acts of nature.  We never learned that the ground shaking is indeed an earthquake, not annoying neighbors.  That's my excuse and I'm stickin to it!

Friday, August 19, 2011


Happy Friday, kittens!  Sorry I haven't been around as of late to update my friends on life, but here I am!  Here's a few things that fill my heart up:

  • My bestest buddy, Mizz J, is having a birthday shindig on Sunday with her hilarious and amazing family in VA.  Can't wait!
  • I get to bond with my kitty niece, Pearly, this weekend
  • I was away on business this week, but coming home to my kitty babies was fantastic ... I currently have Mustacho cuddled up to me and looking particularly adorable
  • I have like 10 things on the DVR to watch, and yes ... I am very excited.
  • I ordered a food mill so that I can finally make gnocchi (and I'm hoping that my daddy will teach me how to make his amazingggg meatballs) ... YUM!
Song of the week:

Friday, August 5, 2011


Happy Friday, ya'll!  Here's what fills my heart up this week:
  • Although they were annoying the yuck outta me this morning, Carlton and Mustacho are precious (now that they have been fed)
  • I am in love with my DVR and am way too excited to watch my shows this weekend ... pathetic, yes.  Do I care?  No.
  • Hate to admit it, but I am very excited that Jersey Shore is back on
  • Also embarrassing to admit, but I bought some jeggings from Levi's online.  I am way too in love with Levi's so I hope that these things don't disappoint me
  • I haven't used my credit cards in over 3 weeks ... which is a HUGE deal for me.  So exciting!  I mapped out how long it'll take for me to pay off my credit cards, student loans, and car and it was a little depressing, so I'm making an effort to reign in the spending and get that shiz paid off ASAP.  We'll see if the plan actually works, but that's the goal!
  • RAVENS!!!  First preseason game is next week and we better win cuz I have an important bet going and I won't hear the end of it if we lose.  Regardless, the dirty birds are gonna bring it this year and I am so beyond happy that football season is starting
Good luck on the GRE test tomorrow, Mrs. Lauren C!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

On a Lighter Note ...

I was fortunate enough to be able to spend some much-needed girl time this week, and I thought I'd blog about how awesome my friends are!

Monday night, I went out on my monthly (or so) date of getting Mexican food with one of my best girlfriends from the bar, Squash.  I love hanging out with her, because we are totally on each other's level.  We love gossipping about hot messes, venting about just about anything, and (most importantly) share a love for queso and margaritas!

Tuesday night, I went to my favorite sushi joint with Mrs. Lauren C.  We must be so judged when we go there, because, rather than being healthy and getting all kinds of tasty raw seafood with yummy fresh veggis, we opt for anything fried, combined with cream cheese, and coated with some type of thick sauce.  Trust the two of us to find something decent for you and make it all kinds of terrible.

Last night, I got to hang out with my sorority sister and amazing friend at And I Can't Help but Wonder ... and her fantastic fiancee.  I love seeing the two of them ... it's so great talking about the past and being able to still share our experiences in the present together.  I also love talking about her upcoming wedding, because we all know I'm a freak for stuff like that!

All in all, a lot of stuff has been going on in my personal life, but with friends like these, who can really have room to complain?!  At least I'm finally getting out of the house (even if it means gaining a few extra inches in exchange!) and having a great time. 

Love, love, love!
-Cat Lady

On a Serious Note ...

When did our parents stop being parents and start being our peers? 

When we're kids, our parents can do no wrong (other than making us eat our dinner before dessert, forcing us to finish our homework, and giving us bedtimes before all the good shows come on) ... they're doing what is best for us, even if we don't necessarily agree. 

My brother and I had a pretty rad childhood.  We had a stay-at-home mom, an exceptionally hard working but incredibly loving dad, and grandparents who couldn't be more active in our lives.  We both were in all kinds of after-school activities; our mom went to every single school concert, party, field trip, and game; I had a big brother who I worshipped; we took great vacations, were loved like crazy, and generally had a pretty kickass lifestyle.

I can pinpoint the moment that I stopped being the kid in my family and started being the primary adult.  The second I found out that my mom was in shock trauma due to a severe car accident, I was forced to grow the eff up and be the adult.  No need to get into details, but that accident taught me a huge life lesson: our parents are not these magical fictional characters that we place on a pedestal; they're real, they make mistakes, and they're human.  Doesn't make it any easier to deal with ... in fact, it's just plain weird to think of your parents as anything more than Mom and Dad. 

Ever since that accident 7 years ago, I have continued to be the mother figure in my family.  My brother has always been babied by me, which I love to this day.  My mother, however, likes to think of me as more her "friend" than her child.  And quite honestly, I've been more so her guardian, protector, and therapist than anything else.  Who can have time or ability to be someones child after all of those responsibilities take their toll?

Is it healthy to have a parent and child switch roles?  They call our generation the "sandwich generation," because adults are stuck between the role of parenting their children and caring for their aging parents.  But what is it considered when a parent just starts going wild and their 20-something child has to pick up the pieces?

Friday, July 29, 2011


Happy Friday to one and all!  Here's what fills my heart up this week:
  • I'm finally taking a flying leap into technology and getting DVR so I can become even more of a pathetic mess and spend even more time watching tv!!  So excited
  • Speaking of which, has anyone else heard that Nickelodeon is now airing classic 90s shows (All That, Kenan and Kel, Doug, etc) really late at night?  I can't lie, this kinda gave me the push I needed to get the DVR.  Shame.
  • Rumor has it, my raise is FINALLY coming through next paycheck (on the 15th).  Hurry it up, CHG!
  • Of course, my kitten babies!  Check out this pic of Carl (ignore my hotmess hungover self, this was taken the morning after the pirate cruise) ... so cute!!!
Have a lovely weekend, ya'll!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Pirate Cruise, 2011

My pirate friends
Well friends, I survived Pirate Cruise 2011 (if you haven't read it yet, check the 2010 version) and it was a hilarious, sweaty good time.

We celebrated a friend's 30th birthday on the pirate cruise, which wasn't as fun as it was last year because it was just so unbelievably hot.  We were all sweltering; I honestly don't think I have ever sweat so much in my life.  Even though I threw our wine in the freezer for a full day, the drinks were warm after a few minutes of drinking, which didn't really make them terribly appetizing. 

Parts of the pirate cruise were super fun, and we definitely would have had a better time had it not been like 114* out.  It was basically the same format as last year: lots of singing/dancing, games, and general pirate merriment.  It was just too daggon hot to enjoy most of these items, and we weren't nearly as drunk as we were last year.  Note to anyone considering the pirate cruise:  drunk + comfortable temperature = wayyyy better time.  But I digress!

A few drinks in ...
Thankfully the cruise was only for about 2 hours, so we went to the nearest bar to cool down and actually start the party.  Unfortunately, we were all disgusting from being sweaty messes on the cruise, but that didn't seem to matter after my second Firefly and club.  The bar we went to is actually a bar/restaurant combo, and likely not intended for a bunch of crazies fresh off a pirate cruise.  The perfect atmosphere for our group.
My two loves ... Firefly and a sword

I feel like every time I go out now (ya know, like 3 times a year ...), I need a prop.  The props that we had for this outing included pirate masks (like the ones we had last year), eye patches, stickers, and (my favorite) ... a blowup sword.  Props make everything so much more fun! 

If you want to point to something ... use your prop.  If you need to emphasize a point ... wave your prop in the air.  If you want some personal space ... use your prop to push people away.  Props make my life so amazing.  A few key moments that made my prop so amazing:
  • A man was dancing with my buddy, Mrs. Lauren C and she was giving me the 'help!!' face, so I ran over, took my sword out, slashed the space between them (whacking him in the face in the process), screamed "SHE'S MARRIED!!!" and pointed to her ring with the tip of my sword
  • Mizz J's drunk self spilled about half her drink, a straw, and a lime on the floor.  To notify her of the spill, I poked her and pointed to the ground ... both with my sword.
  • A bachelorette party had a blowup doll (perhaps my next prop) ... "he" wanted to dance with me, so I 'cut' off his manparts with my sword
  • Tapping a young man playing beer pong on the shoulder with the tip of my sword so I could move past him, saying "Excuseeee me young fella, but I have to put this sword to good use"
When asked how much I loved the sword, I would cradle it like a baby and lovingly glance at it before screaming "I love my sword so much!!!!"

Imagine the situation just for a moment ... a bunch of wasted girls dancing in a bar, wearing pirate masks, and cradling swords like babies.  And this, ladies and gents, is why I shouldn't be out in public.  Especially after a few cocktails.

A few more key moments to the evening:
    Mizz J judging me for my dancing
    When my friends noticed that the bouncer was talking to me, they all started instantly asking for his number, if he was single, and why he wasn't asking for my digits.  After being told that it wasn't professional for him to give out his #, I told my friends that he had the hair of the Devil and that I had to leave.  We think he was a Ginger, but I can't recall.  My theory is that any man who is talking to a girl with a pirate mask on her head and a pirate eye patch over it, is swinging a plastic sword around and dancing like (as Mizz J would describe) "a frog trying to put on pants without hands," and is covered in pirate stickers ... is likely not a man I would respect.
  • Mizz J and I screaming at Mr. C to drive us to Wackdonalds for some food.  After going to said Wackdonalds and finding out that they didn't have the items that Mizz J desired (a double cheeseburger with no ketchup or pickles, a Poweraid, and a 4-piece nugget), she started screaming that "in Verrrgeeenyaaaa, they have it!" and demanding that I explain to her why we don't have all of the items she needed.  She settled for a #2.  But not happily.
  • Tapping on people's heads with the sword inquiring if they love the Ravens as much as I do as we walked to the car.  When being told by my friends that it probably wasn't safe to do this, I declared that we were in the safe part of the city, but that I would love to go to Baltimore Street (the unsafe part of the city) to see some strippers
All in all, it was a fantastic evening.  I love pirate cruises, props, and hanging out with my bestest pirate friends.  I really missed my buddy Lizzy G, but as she is out of the country, the show had to go on without her.  Don't worry, Lizzy G, there's always 2012!

And, as is the trend with my pirate blog posts, I will end with the hot mess picture of the event:

Friday, July 22, 2011


Happy Friday, kittens!

In the light of some pretty Negative Nancy posts, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things and start with what fills my heart up this week:
  • I stayed up late enough to watch Wilfred last night, and while it is a super weird show, I really love it
  • My very bestest friend from college, Mizz J is coming to town on Saturday for ...
  • PIRATE CRUISE!!!!  If you haven't read my post about the first time I went on the pirate cruise, This is the Best Day of My Life! Part 1, check it out.  Or wait til next week when I can update you on my 2011 Pirate Cruise experience
  • Due to the pirate cruise, I'm not working at the bar on Saturday, hooray!
  • Nordstrom was having a big sale this week and I purchased the NorthFace coat that I've been dying for, about $50 off.  Yes, we have a heat index of 117* this week and I'm buying a winter coat.  What of it?
  • Carlton and Mustacho, duh.
Shout out to one of my favorite sorority sisters, The Fugitive, who just told me that she found my blog and likes it.  Even though she is petrified of cats, rats, and aliens, she has managed to get through it and finds some humor in this messed up world I call my life.  Fugitive, I love you.

And now for your listening pleasure, in honor of this disgusting heat ...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Cycle

I've been pretty horrible with updating my blog posts, for which I apologize profusely.  I've been in a bit of a "boy funk" as I call it, and have just kinda been in a blah mood in general.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still having hilariously random life moments (such as explaining to a coworker that I couldn't stop staring at two huge bugs "attaching" to one other and said coworker thinking that I am into bug "relations"; going nudie swimming with some of my best friends and getting caught; jamming out to amazing 80's tunes with some of my favorites at the bar ... the list goes on and my life is still hilarious, so don't fret too much).

I have a cycle that I think a lot of single girls have entered with their (not so) significant others at some point or another.  Cycle goes as follows:

Step 1: Single girl is bored.  Single girl racks her single brain for a single fella to chat with (or otherwise).
Step 2: Single girl runs out of options, so single girl contacts the one or two toxic men in her life that have wronged her, but time has passed and she's forgotten about it.
Step 3: Single girl hangs out with a (not so) significant other.  Single girl and boy hit it off, have a great time, laugh at jokes, enjoy each other's company.
Step 4: Single girl starts daydreaming about how lovely this situation is.  Is he the one?  When should I introduce him to my friends?  Will they hate him after all the crappy things I've said about him the LAST time we tried this out?
Step 5: Boy starts doing a few of the things that single girl vaguely remembers were annoying/mean/creepy/childish/unnecessary
Step 6: Boy starts playing the distant game, which we allllll know just makes single girl want him more.  A sick a disgusting twist of fate, the result of boy playing distant game, girl wanting him more makes the guy want her less ... how odd.
Step 7: Single girl drinks a lot of wine, eats a lot of food, gains a lot of weight, and complains to her girlfriends about why (totally never will ever be significant again) significant other is being a jerk
Step 8: Just when single girl is finally done with boy, boy contacts her again, and thus ... is the cycle of single girl.

I've decided that all attached women should start a fund for the pathetic bunch of us who are single.  Checks may be made out to Cat Lady.  The money will help feed my cats.  Because they will be the only men in my life who won't annoy me or be jerks.  Sigh.  Pity party for one, please!

Saturday, July 16, 2011


I am addicted.  Perhaps my addiction is a bit more tame than that of a heroine addict, a crackhead, or an alcoholic.  However, I can appreciate the jonesing that my fellow addicts go through in wanting their drug of choice.

I need a soda, STAT!!

For the past 4 days I have been suffering with no soda in the house.  My friends, family, and coworkers all likely have been suffering right along with me, as my addition has affected those I love (and tolerate) in the following ways:
  • I'm cranky.  And mean.  And just plain irritable and unable to handle any form of annoyance
  • I'm exhausted. Naps have been my savior, but I wake up even more irritable
  • My incessant yawning is causing others to yawn and is causing people to constantly tell me to "wake up!!"
Yes, there is a simple solution: go to the store and get some damn soda.  However, my lack of caffeine has caused me to be too tired to get my butt to the store to get my drug of choice.  I set aside some soda from the bar last night to bring home but completely forgot, so here I am again without soda and without energy.  Darn you, soda!!!

Until next time ... hopefully I'll be more cheerful!

Monday, July 11, 2011

My Mom, the Groupie

Ok, so I haven't exactly verified this information yet, but I must inform my readers about a fun factoid that I learned this weekend.  This information both mystified and cracked me up, as well as mortified and terrified my brother.  A combination I quite enjoy.

My mother's cousin came into the bar on Saturday to introduce himself.  I don't remember meeting this fella, but apparently I knew him when I was a kid.  We were catching up on family and whatnot, when he mentioned quite possibly my favorite thing to ever learn about my mother: she dated and almost married one of the Rolling Stones.  Translation?  My mother was a groupie for one of history's most sexed up rock n' roll bands.  GROSS ME OUT!
One of these clowns could have been my daddy.
It's quite the defining moment in the life of a 25 year old daughter to learn that her mother was in fact (allegedly) a famous whore.  Maybe that's why she was positive that I was boning at the age of TEN (no joke) or why she was perfectly cool with her 16 year old daughter getting on birth control (at the time, for medical reasons and not to control birth ... but it proved to be a really great excuse for many of my friends to give their parents) or why she let me wear bikinis at the tender age of 8 ... or why she wanted to know all the details ("Wink! You know what I mean!") of my brother's recent honeymoon.  Gross.  It's all coming back to me ... and it's all relating to the fact that my mother was a groupie.

Below is a little excerpt from the conversation that I had with my brother, breaking the news as delicately as I could:

Me: did you know that mom used to get with one of the rolling stones?  Her cousin was in the bar on Saturday and told me.  Your mother was a groupie.
Brother: I'm going to run and get all the stuff for my pasta and apple pie ... WTF?!
Brother: that can't be true, right?  I'm not buying this
Me: I'll ask her when she isn't all crazy
Brother: Have you asked her about this since?  I pray this isn't true
Me: lol if it is, it's pretty sick
Brother: I'm actually just reading keith richard's autobiography now.  That would be truly awful if it were true. 
Me: It wasn't him, if it makes you feel better.  Can't remember the name though.
Brother: WTF.  All I want is some normalcy.  FML.

Ok, so in hindsight I probably should have approached it a bit more delicately.  Obviously, my dear brother is a bit upset.  It must be a pretty terrible moment in a young man's life to learn that his mom was doing half the stuff that he was JUST reading about.  However, this is a lesson to all young men:
The ho's that you see in music videos and pornos could very well turn into someones mother.  And that mother ... could be yours.
  Bahaha!  Man, that is freakin profound.  I should make a public service announcement campaign to warn the masses.  Not to say my mother was in music videos and pornos (that I know of!!) but to relate it to modern times and whatnot. 

And the Best Sister of the Year Award goes to ... me.  Award for Best Daughter also goes to ... me.  More details to follow!

Friday, July 8, 2011


Happy Friday!  I am in the personal opinion that all work weeks should consist of 4 days and we should always have off on Mondays.  Who do I contact about that?

Here's what fills my heart up today:
  • I get to play with my favorite niece, Pearl, this weekend because her parents (Mr. and Mrs. Lauren C) are at the beach. That little midget kitty is too cute!
    • Side note: this weekend is gonna be boring without Mr. and Mrs. Lauren C!
  • I read Steve-O's book this week, and it's actually pretty well written.  He's lived a really crazyyy life.  I'd recommend it!! ... uhh the book, not the lifestyle
  • The cutest kitties in the world, of course!
  • It's a work from the couch kinda day, which means having some trash tv on in the background while I get my work done.  Love it!
And now, the song of the week ... I heard this on the radio and it cracked me up (and sadly, I do know a lot of the words).  Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Stuff That I Love

Didn't want ya'll to think that I'm a Negative Nancy, so here's a lot of stuff that I love:
  • Taking a nap with no alarm to wake me up
  • 3-day weekends
  • Getting a package in the mail
  • The calm that comes over me after I lock the door at the bar on Saturday night, knowing I won't have to work there again for 5 blissful days
  • The rare evening at the bar when I'm actually having a hilarious, fun time
  • Spending a lazy day on the couch (with kitty boyboys)
  • Getting into bed after just changing the sheets
  • One of those "gotta have you right now" makeout sessions
  • A completely decadent meal with great company
  • Reading a really good book
  • When I walk past Carlton and he rolls over to show his fat belly and gives a good "meeeyoowwww"
  • Cuddling with Mustacho
  • A really good glass of wine (or a delish cocktail), preferably with some tasty treats to go along with it
  • Researching something completely off the wall and learning all about it (ex: my obsession with the Amish)
  • Drunk shopping at Target or
  • Laughing so hard that it makes my face and belly ache
  • The satisfaction I get after cleaning the apartment
  • Having some unexpected extra $$ in the bank
  • When Pandora plays a bunch of really awesome songs in a row
  • Having something really exciting to look forward to

Items That Annoy Me

  • Clear bra straps.  You may think that I can't see them because they're clear, but heads up (and this may blow you away): I can see them.  And they're trashy.
  • People taking and posting pictures of their car's mileage milestones.  Ex: 11111, 123456, 100000, etc.  Annoying.  And guess what? I don't care.
  • Makeup "artists," hair dressers, etc. who expect to do my makeup/hair but they look a hot mess themselves
  • Drivers who realize that they're in the wrong lane or driving on the wrong side of the road and have the "what of it?!" face.  You made a mistake (a dangerous one at that), and you realized it, so just go ahead and panic, make a scene, and fix it like the rest of us
  • Picking your nose in public with a tissue.  Just because a very thin layer of tissue is between your finger and your snot, doesn't mean I'm not judging you.
  • Comb-overs when you only have 3 pieces of hair (a la Donald Trump).  We all know you are lacking in the hair department.  Get over it and fix yourself.
  • People who walk around holding their little doggies (in arms or purses) ... let the poor little shits walk, please.  A side note about that: women who insist that it's cool to go shopping in malls with one of their little doggies.  We are not in Cali, folks, and we are certainly not trendy enough to do this.  Leave your damn dog home and get out of Nordstrom.
  • You're.  Your.  To.  Two.  Too.  They're.  Their.  There.  Get it right.
  • Customers at my bar who sit down and say they want a beer.  Well, how very convenient, we're in a bar.  We happen to have beer here.  That would be like if I went to a grocery store and told one of the employees "I would like some food"
  • Quoting Charlie Sheen.  Come up with your own lines, folks.  Oh and PS, you're quoting a raging lunatic as if it's something intelligent and meaningful.  So what does that say about you?