Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dear Bargirl ...

Yo yo yo!  Not much to say today, but I do have something to share with you.  One of my customers at the bar where I work on the weekend (let's call it The WW) wrote me a note after perhaps a few too many Jim and Diet Cokes ... let's consider a few things.  a) Why did he feel the need to underline my name? And to that point, why did he need to underline his?  b) Can you tell that I'm the best? (Customers, I don't want to hear it.  No, of course I'm not the best, I'm actually a pretty terrible bartender. However, this note is proof that someone out there thinks I'm the best (best))  c) Why did he feel the need to underline 'girl' so many times?  Does he have a best (best) bar boy (underline underline underline underline) out there?  Should I be jealous?

This is just one note that I've received at the bar while working.  And yes, it hangs on my refrigerator like a little kid's A+ (or in my case, C+) on a math test.  Additional items that hang on my fridge: a dry erase calendar (to note when I'm out of town and need kitty sitters); a pirate mask that I wore during both my bff, Mrs. LC's bachelorette party and during a pirate cruise (which I'll definitely be describing later, as it was one of the top 3 best nights of my life); pictures of friends, family, and the cats (duh); and various magnets (my favorites being a crab with magnetic claws and a 2010 calendar with the photo of a real estate agent on it that I have never heard of.  Perhaps I should remove that one).

Another note that I received at the bar was when I used to work with my dad.  The letter writer (who was in the bar with his girlfriend) sent me a note that read "Don't breathe a word!  I think you're fucking hot!" ... umm first of all, let's discuss "don't breathe a word," as that is exceptionally creepy.  And sir, you are exceptionally lucky that I didn't "breathe a word," to my father.  Or your girlfriend.  Secondly, it's pretty obvious that I'm "fucking hot," I don't need a drunk 50-something year old man to tell me.  However, thanks for creeping me out.

Easiest bet I've ever made
I would love more notes from customers so that I may share them with my readers.  The best "note" is really a documented bet, made on 1/2/2011.  I not-so-craftily covered up the names of those involved, as I would like to protect their privacy (until I win, and then I'm announcing it to the world).  As you can see, we made a bet that 'Boy' (one of my customers) can have no more than 8 total sexual encounters (take that how you will, he understands the terms of the bet), which includes no more than 3 new encounters.  If 'Boy' wins, I'll buy him 2 cases of Budweiser.  If I win, 'Boy' will "take out to dinner and one bar, all expensise paid and stays sober" (note, the person writing the note may have had a few too many Budweiser's).  For all you city slickers who don't understand what I win, 'Boy' will take me out to dinner and one bar, all-expense paid, and he has to remain sober during the entire evening.  Sounds like a real treat, right?  We eventually came up with the additional clause that if 'Boy' lies about any of these "encounters," the person writing the note (whom I call 'Pumpkin') will get to attend this date as well.  Please also note that this was "NOTERIZED" and there appears to be a drawing of a daisy in the middle.  We have until 1/1/2012 for the conclusion of the bet and for the loser to pay up.  Unfortunately for my luck, 'Boy' found himself a little girlfriend, and I am in the midst of losing the bet (we are totaling 1 old encounter, 1 new).  Here's hoping he gets dumped soon.

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