Monday, April 4, 2011

Welcome, Kittens.

Yes, there is a show out there already titled "Must Love Cats," and the guy is a real freak. Of course I've seen the show. Of course I've seen clips of this kitty loving fella on The Soup. And no, I'm not on his level of obsession. Ok, maybe I'm obsessed with my own kitty children, but I don't sing about them ... often.

Irregadless! (side note: have you ever seen 'Boston Teens' sketches on SNL? I know that this is not a word, but that sketch is priceless) The title of my blog refers to the solid fact that I wouldn't befriend anyone as obsessed with cats as I am. What can I say? My life is one big, fat paradox. Deal with it. Honestly, I have a few endearing qualities about me, but my love for my four-legged friends is border-line creepy and likely not the #1 factor as to why I have a significant other. Perhaps the #2 reason is my less than endearing lack of care about the opinons of others. Oops.

That creepy little man on the show, however, has taught other crazy cat ladies such as myself (or really, let's be honest, other crazy cat fellas) that there is someone out there. Someone just as obsessed and annoying as we are; someone with a terrible talent for singing about kitties. He can swoon you with his love for your furry babies, he's well traveled (if only to find more exciting and amazing kitty places), and he can sing (not really, but let's be honest: we have no room to be picky. We cuddle with animals that poop in boxes). Screw online dating!  Just find a talented/ugly/unique kitty and hit up Animal Planet.  Then you're in!

Thanks, John Fulton, for giving me the hope that I can find a wonderful, kitty-obsssed gay out there. There really aren't enough for my liking. However, Must Love Cats man, you are way too obsessed for me (remember the title of my blog?) Maybe you have a buddy that isn't as obsessed that I can incorporate into my life? I'd prefer for him to be a tad more fabulous.

You may notice that I tend to go into mini-tangents. Sorry, total of 2 people likely reading this.

I've been considering creating a blog about my random life for quite awhile, but haven't put that plan into fruition until today. To make a short story long: Last Friday, one of my coworkers (we'll call him 'Johnny') and I were discussing some projects that we were working on. I confessed to him that one of our vendor relations (we'll call her 'Rebecca' Goley) has a name that reminds me of my favorite SNL clip of all time. Now, I know that Goley likely is pronounced like the person who blocks that cage thing in sports (and then when you score, people can shout "GOOOLLLL(ey)". Or maybe it's pronounced like a way to describe something sticky ("Daggon, I steped on some 'gooo(l)ey' gum!"). No? Ok, anyway, whenever I send this woman an email, I sing in my head 'Rebeccaaaa' GOOLEEEETTT like my friend Robert Goulet. This is possibly the reason why I will NEVER introduce this woman to a group. Additionally, this is the reason why I go out of my way to never introduce someone with a last name other than Smith or Jones.

Anyway, once I started sharing YouTube clips of Will Ferrell's Robert Gouley with 'Johnny,' I was on a roll. I started really pulling out the weird-guns and showing him a few other favorites. That day, I happened to be listening to The Kane Show (a fantastic DC-based radio show) and heard this lovely little tidbit. Of course I had to also share this with 'Johnny' and continued to creep him out. My poor neighbors are likely terrified of my cackle (reserved only for the funniest of kitty moments, YouTube clips, and GChat convos).  Crazy Cat Lady me also decided to explain to 'Johnny' (and about 10 others) how brilliant my cat Carlton Banks is ... Carlton was thirsty and pushed his empty water bowl across the kitchen with his nose to the sink and continued to hit it against the cabinet until I filled it. Now THAT, ladies and gents, is brilliant.

I confessed to 'Johnny' that this was just the tip of the weird-iceberg. He then suggested that I blog about these thoughts that pop in my head. Don't mind if I do!  I think that's my style. I like to get to know people a bit (and, in turn, let them get to know me) before really letting them know the thoughts that go through this here brain, but if you submit to my humor and give me a weird inch, I'm going to take a bazar mile.

So, kittens ... welcome to my world. If you're at my level or worse, I'll give you my favorite line: I'm not in the market for new friends.

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