Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Cycle

I've been pretty horrible with updating my blog posts, for which I apologize profusely.  I've been in a bit of a "boy funk" as I call it, and have just kinda been in a blah mood in general.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still having hilariously random life moments (such as explaining to a coworker that I couldn't stop staring at two huge bugs "attaching" to one other and said coworker thinking that I am into bug "relations"; going nudie swimming with some of my best friends and getting caught; jamming out to amazing 80's tunes with some of my favorites at the bar ... the list goes on and my life is still hilarious, so don't fret too much).

I have a cycle that I think a lot of single girls have entered with their (not so) significant others at some point or another.  Cycle goes as follows:

Step 1: Single girl is bored.  Single girl racks her single brain for a single fella to chat with (or otherwise).
Step 2: Single girl runs out of options, so single girl contacts the one or two toxic men in her life that have wronged her, but time has passed and she's forgotten about it.
Step 3: Single girl hangs out with a (not so) significant other.  Single girl and boy hit it off, have a great time, laugh at jokes, enjoy each other's company.
Step 4: Single girl starts daydreaming about how lovely this situation is.  Is he the one?  When should I introduce him to my friends?  Will they hate him after all the crappy things I've said about him the LAST time we tried this out?
Step 5: Boy starts doing a few of the things that single girl vaguely remembers were annoying/mean/creepy/childish/unnecessary
Step 6: Boy starts playing the distant game, which we allllll know just makes single girl want him more.  A sick a disgusting twist of fate, the result of boy playing distant game, girl wanting him more makes the guy want her less ... how odd.
Step 7: Single girl drinks a lot of wine, eats a lot of food, gains a lot of weight, and complains to her girlfriends about why (totally never will ever be significant again) significant other is being a jerk
Step 8: Just when single girl is finally done with boy, boy contacts her again, and thus ... is the cycle of single girl.

I've decided that all attached women should start a fund for the pathetic bunch of us who are single.  Checks may be made out to Cat Lady.  The money will help feed my cats.  Because they will be the only men in my life who won't annoy me or be jerks.  Sigh.  Pity party for one, please!

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