Monday, July 25, 2011

Pirate Cruise, 2011

My pirate friends
Well friends, I survived Pirate Cruise 2011 (if you haven't read it yet, check the 2010 version) and it was a hilarious, sweaty good time.

We celebrated a friend's 30th birthday on the pirate cruise, which wasn't as fun as it was last year because it was just so unbelievably hot.  We were all sweltering; I honestly don't think I have ever sweat so much in my life.  Even though I threw our wine in the freezer for a full day, the drinks were warm after a few minutes of drinking, which didn't really make them terribly appetizing. 

Parts of the pirate cruise were super fun, and we definitely would have had a better time had it not been like 114* out.  It was basically the same format as last year: lots of singing/dancing, games, and general pirate merriment.  It was just too daggon hot to enjoy most of these items, and we weren't nearly as drunk as we were last year.  Note to anyone considering the pirate cruise:  drunk + comfortable temperature = wayyyy better time.  But I digress!

A few drinks in ...
Thankfully the cruise was only for about 2 hours, so we went to the nearest bar to cool down and actually start the party.  Unfortunately, we were all disgusting from being sweaty messes on the cruise, but that didn't seem to matter after my second Firefly and club.  The bar we went to is actually a bar/restaurant combo, and likely not intended for a bunch of crazies fresh off a pirate cruise.  The perfect atmosphere for our group.
My two loves ... Firefly and a sword

I feel like every time I go out now (ya know, like 3 times a year ...), I need a prop.  The props that we had for this outing included pirate masks (like the ones we had last year), eye patches, stickers, and (my favorite) ... a blowup sword.  Props make everything so much more fun! 

If you want to point to something ... use your prop.  If you need to emphasize a point ... wave your prop in the air.  If you want some personal space ... use your prop to push people away.  Props make my life so amazing.  A few key moments that made my prop so amazing:
  • A man was dancing with my buddy, Mrs. Lauren C and she was giving me the 'help!!' face, so I ran over, took my sword out, slashed the space between them (whacking him in the face in the process), screamed "SHE'S MARRIED!!!" and pointed to her ring with the tip of my sword
  • Mizz J's drunk self spilled about half her drink, a straw, and a lime on the floor.  To notify her of the spill, I poked her and pointed to the ground ... both with my sword.
  • A bachelorette party had a blowup doll (perhaps my next prop) ... "he" wanted to dance with me, so I 'cut' off his manparts with my sword
  • Tapping a young man playing beer pong on the shoulder with the tip of my sword so I could move past him, saying "Excuseeee me young fella, but I have to put this sword to good use"
When asked how much I loved the sword, I would cradle it like a baby and lovingly glance at it before screaming "I love my sword so much!!!!"

Imagine the situation just for a moment ... a bunch of wasted girls dancing in a bar, wearing pirate masks, and cradling swords like babies.  And this, ladies and gents, is why I shouldn't be out in public.  Especially after a few cocktails.

A few more key moments to the evening:
    Mizz J judging me for my dancing
    When my friends noticed that the bouncer was talking to me, they all started instantly asking for his number, if he was single, and why he wasn't asking for my digits.  After being told that it wasn't professional for him to give out his #, I told my friends that he had the hair of the Devil and that I had to leave.  We think he was a Ginger, but I can't recall.  My theory is that any man who is talking to a girl with a pirate mask on her head and a pirate eye patch over it, is swinging a plastic sword around and dancing like (as Mizz J would describe) "a frog trying to put on pants without hands," and is covered in pirate stickers ... is likely not a man I would respect.
  • Mizz J and I screaming at Mr. C to drive us to Wackdonalds for some food.  After going to said Wackdonalds and finding out that they didn't have the items that Mizz J desired (a double cheeseburger with no ketchup or pickles, a Poweraid, and a 4-piece nugget), she started screaming that "in Verrrgeeenyaaaa, they have it!" and demanding that I explain to her why we don't have all of the items she needed.  She settled for a #2.  But not happily.
  • Tapping on people's heads with the sword inquiring if they love the Ravens as much as I do as we walked to the car.  When being told by my friends that it probably wasn't safe to do this, I declared that we were in the safe part of the city, but that I would love to go to Baltimore Street (the unsafe part of the city) to see some strippers
All in all, it was a fantastic evening.  I love pirate cruises, props, and hanging out with my bestest pirate friends.  I really missed my buddy Lizzy G, but as she is out of the country, the show had to go on without her.  Don't worry, Lizzy G, there's always 2012!

And, as is the trend with my pirate blog posts, I will end with the hot mess picture of the event:

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