Tuesday, May 31, 2011


I was thrown back into the college lifestyle this weekend, and it was pretty innerestin.

I hung out with some friends from my college, who happened to be some of the fraternity boys that I used to party with.  I only saw one of the guys once or twice since graduation, so when I was surrounded by a few fraternity boys, I instantly was getting flashbacks from college life, circa 2004-2008.

Let's premise this discussion by explaining the type of gal I was in college.  I was a pretty active partier, specifically my first two years of college.  I loved my sorority (note: still do), went to fraternity parties (note: fraternity, not frat ... as the boys would say, you don't call your country a cunt, so don't call a fraternity a frat), hated studying, crammed for finals and wrote papers last minute, and generally was having a pretty kickass time.

Anyways, hanging out with these boys threw me right back into the college mindset ... with the liver and hesitation of an old lady.  These boys were cool with getting day drunk (and if you've read my post about day drunk, you'll know that I'm not usually a fan), sitting around playing drinking games, and generally being a bunch of pooping, burping, silly fraternity boys.  Only stipulation is that they are now in their mid-twenties with careers, but they didn't care, so I did what any self-respecting sorority girl would do: I chugged my wine along with them.

Going back in time for a bit and acting like I can still party like a college kid reminded me of some hilarious theories that I'm sure hold true to a lot of guys and gals:
  • Hookin Up: there's a double standard when it comes to gettin down, and I have discussed it with a lot of friends and it seems to rein true for many.  With guys, it's fine to bring a gal back to your room and do the nasty with your roommate there.  In fact, you are THE MAN if you bring a gal back.  High fives and ass smacking all around.  Or whatever frat(ernity) boys do to reward one another.  Girls, on the other hand, are different.  Now, let's assume that this is for girls who have respect and love for one another.  I do know young ladies who do not adhere to this policy, but they are likely not the classiest in the world.  Anyway, the average (classy-ish) female would never allow a boy to come back to her room to get it on with her roommate there.  No high fives and the like, normally just tears I'd assume.  Rather, classy girls prefer to wake up their innocent roommates to go into full detail of what occurred in the boy's dorm with HIS roommate awake.  Of course none of this is from personal experience or anything.  But if it were, sorry Miz J.
  • Things That Are No Biggie Seem Like a Biggie: I guess this is true to anyone who needs a little growing up ... at the time, you're thinking that something is THE BIGGEST THING EVER and then when you look back on it, you're like oh really?  No biggie!  Example: the guys and I were going down the list of who we dated, hung out with, etc. and it just cracked me up thinking about how important I thought those relationships were and now I barely remember why we hung out.  Funny allowing myself to look back on those moments.  Even more entertaining to hear where those people are now and why I'm oh so happy to be far, far away from them!
  • It's All About Perspective: The fraternity boys and I had a lot of "no way! I thought it happened this way ..." moments when we were discussing funny moments from college.  Lots of drinking and quite a few years will confuse one's mind a bit
  • Gays, Just Come Out Already!!: We of course had to go down the list of who finalllyyyy came out, and who just needs to hurry up with it already.  None of which are surprising, all of which are frustrating that they just couldn't come out earlier.  However, it's all about timing and I get that some may need a little more time than others.  I do have a mental list of those who I can be friends with as soon as they finally admit it to themselves and just prance out of the closet already.
  • Random Items/Activities Entertain: In college, the smallest things were absolutely entertaining.  Perhaps it was due to the booze frequently involved.  Perhaps we were just bored.  Regardless, there was so many times that I'd look around at my amused friends and realize that we were complete idiots.  Examples of items that really entertained us include a whoopie cushion (which we used in the bathroom, in the hall, at parties ... all until it died from too much use), a homemade boardgame, a ripped up hoodie, outdoor lounge chairs ... the list goes on.
  • You Are Not That Hot: Ladies, did you ever have that moment when you're dancing at the fraternity party (to Journey, no doubt) thinking to yourself "self, I am HOT!" and then you go to the bathroom and see that your hair is all matted, your makeup is dripping, and your lazy eye is out?  Ok, maybe you didn't, but that means you need to get on my level.  Or rather, on my level between the years of 2004-08.  My left eye was the single determinant that it was time to get home immediately.  I have a bit of a lazy eye, which happens to come out when I'm tired and/or drunk.  It got to the point that when friends would see the lazy eye, they'd send me home.
  • And now, the most important item on my random list of college theories ... Breakfast potatoes: the breakfast potatoes at my undergrad were far and beyond the best food on the planet.  Literally, those things were the make and break of deciding if it was worth the trek across campus for Sunday brunch.  I miss them.  A lot.
    In general, it was fun taking a jump back into time and thinking about how much fun college really was.  So, in conclusion, while I am so happy that I'm not in college anymore, I had a pretty kickass time when I was there.  Big ups to LC!

    And now, for your viewing pleasure, a few of my favorite pics from college.  Unfortunately/fortunately for present-time Cat Lady, my sorority didn't allow for really vulgar pics to be posted on facebook:
    Hard to explain, but it's basically a
    flashback from freshman year
    By far my favorite pic of me and my friend Mal ... this is exactly what we looked like after a night of partying.
    My bestest roommate and friend, Miz J. 
    And yes, I am in 80s gear.  That costume won me a
    full night on the beer pong table 
    Apparently I liked to hit people with bags of bread.  No biggie.
    Typical drinking game

Friday, May 27, 2011

Rumpshakin Friday

Woohoo! Friday!  The Friday before a long weekend!  T-riffic!

Here's what fills my heart up on this lovely, lovely Friday:
  • I made a kickass dinner last night (chicken cordon bleu and rice) and it may actually encourage me to quit eating out and cook a little more often
  • Sunbathing kitties
  • New neighbor boys have moved into my complex and they like to play sports minus shirts outside my window.  Doesn't motivate me to hit the gym, but it does motivate me to sit on my couch, eat ice cream, and watch
  • Any weather that makes my kitties do this REALLY fills my heart up
  • No work on Monday ... which means that I can actually have two full days (and nights) of no work, no responsibilities, and nothing to do.  Makes working at the bar this weekend a-ok in my book!
  • And now, for your viewing (and listening) pleasure ... a few early 90s tasty treats 

And a little bit of this ....

How's about a little bit o this?

Well, kittens!  This concludes my Friday posting.  Thoughts about continuing to grace you with the presence of my favorite hit tunes every Friday?  Too bad, I'm doing it anyway.

Have a fantastic weekend and let's remember the reason that we all have off on Monday and why we have the freedom to be you n me ... hugeeee big ups to all the servicemembers who died for our freedom!

--Cat Lady

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I'm a Baltimoron and Proud Of It

While at dinner with my brother and his fiancee (who is from New England, but raised by parents who wanted their children to speak with a neutral accent), we discussed my (ever so slight) Baltimoron accent.  Before I continue, I must stress that we are not called Baltimorians, but rather Baltimorons.  Yes, I get it, and yes that's why I prefer it.

Anyways, we went down the list of words that I say to see how my dear brother pronounces them.  I discovered after attending last week's bridal shower with his fiancee's family that I apparently have a thick accent and my dear brother has none.  I simply responded that he chooses to deny his heritage.

The conversation went as such:

Me: How do you say ... H20?
Brother: Water.  How do you say it?
Me: Wooder.  How do you say the body of water?
Brother: What?
Me: Ya know, Atlantic (blank), Pacific (blank)
Brother: Oh, ocean.  How do you say it?
Me: Oohhshan.
Brother: Seriously?  Go on.
Me: Ok, how do you say the crustacians we eat?
Brother: Uhh crabs.
Me: Craaahbs.
Brother: Oh shit, please tell me you don't call people 'hon'
Me: Uhh about that ...
Future Sister: Ohh! You say 'no' weird too!
Me: Nooee ... damn.  Ok, what about the name of the city I used to live in?
Brother: BalTimore?
Me: Seriously?!  You pronounce the T?  Get the hell out of here.
Brother: Ok, more like Baltimore.
Me: Balmore?  I'd even accent BalDmore, but the T?  That's out of line.
Brother: So I'm assuming you call the state "Merrland"
Me: You bet your britches.  And you would too if you didn't think you were better n' me.

After reviewing the typical Marylander/Baltimoron words, my brother offered a theory:

Brother: You say those things because you went to public school
(in case you can't tell, he went to private)

Conclusion?  Baltimorons are awesome.  And my brother is a snob who denies his heritage.  Just wait til he has kids and Aunty Cat Lady gets aholda dem.  My little Baltimorons ... I can see it now.

Peace out, Hons.

Hair Falls Flat

WHAT a pretty day outside!  Ugh I am eating it up (specifically from the comfort of my own home) ...

Today I went to go get my hair chopped off.  What a relief!  I love going to Bliss (by the Towson circle if you're innerested), and the owner Laura is awesome.  She remembers all about me (and my problematic hair) even though I normally go about twice a year on average.  Impressive!

Anyways, I went to get the hair chopped off and to get some styling tips for my brother's upcoming wedding (countdown: 16 days).  Laura did a kickass job of curling my hair and making it super full and gorgeous ... until literally 5 minutes later it fell flat.  I warned her that it was coming; my hair does NOT enjoy being tampered with.  However, the dear woman tried, and failed.  Anyways, it looks great for 5 minutes.  Maybe I can have a stylist follow me around the wedding, do my hair, take 5 minutes of pictures, and repeat.  Preferrably a fabulous supergay with a sassy tude.  No?

In other pre-wedding news, I finally have all of the RSVPs and food requests for the rehearsal.  Side note: why must people respond to anything last-minute?  I get an invitation, I respond promptly.  It's a lot easier to respond quickly, isn't it?  I would hate to have a response card just laying around, waiting to be sent.  What's the point?  Ugh, frustrating.

I went to DC yesterday to drop off all the bridal shower presents with my brother and his fiancee.  What a relief to get those things out of my car! 

I've decided that if I'm not married by 35, I'm marrying myself.  And everyone can buy me lots of extravagent gifts and see me marry me.  You're invited, permitting a response is received in a timely manner.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Tubular Tuesday and Animal Plug

Future sisters @ the bridal shower
Well folks, I know it's been awhile since I last blogged, but I do have a good excuse!  I drove up to Boston on Friday for my future sister-in-law's bridal shower/bachelorette party and got home Sunday night.  Here is proof that I will soon have some sisters:

As I was oh so proud of myself for remembering my weekly Friday post for several weeks in a row, I would like to introduce Tubular Tuesday (and why today is so tubular) to carry on the usual Friday tradition.  Here's why today is tubular:
  • After meeting most of my future sister-in-law's family, I am happy to report that they are really awesome people and am very thankful to be joining families in a few short weeks.  I even got a date out of the deal ... who may or may not be my future sister-in-law's aunt.  Technicalities, schmecnicalities.
    Another successful craft
  • My craft for the wedding, after several attempts, turned out ok.  And yet again, I say ... BOOYAH to all the haters
  • I don't want to jinx it, because the bridal shower presents are still in my car, but at the moment, all of my brother and future sister's presents are safe and sound, despite the 9+ hour drive back to the Baltimore area.  I'm driving them down to VA later this week
  • I took PTO yesterday and pretty much vegged all day.  I slept in later than I have in years (ok, so I had to wake up to feed the kitty boys, but then I went back to sleep til noon--it was quite the accomplishment)
  • Seeing my kitty boys when I came home Sunday night made me the happiest cat mommy in the world!
  • I had some nummy Jesse Wong's for dinner last night with my mom, and it was delish.  I highly recommend the orange chicken
  • I just checked the 100+ emails that I missed while I was out Friday and Monday, and I'm pretty much caught up.  Life at CHG simply cannot go on without Cat Lady!

Now for a little animal plug:  I got an email from the agency where I adopted my kittens discussing the inhumane acts that the Baltimore County Animal Control performs on animals.  Please read about the cause and sign the petition so that they may update their policies.  I hate getting all political, but our tax dollars are supporting the killing of innocent, adoptable animals and it disgusts me.

Thanks, friends!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Take That, Sissies!

This posting is for all you haters (read: sorority sisters) who didn't think I could craft.

Exhibit A
I spent a bunch of time last night perfecting a little known craft called "poms" or "pom poms" for the upcoming bridal shower.  See exhibit A.

Remember, dear sorority sisters, when we would have craft nights for our philanthropies (side note: the S. June Smith Center and Special Olympics are both amazing organizations) and I would either a) be banned from creating crafts for the kids, or b) would create a craft and have to throw it out before sending to the children??!?!


Exhibit B
Yes, I may or may not have blogged about a beautiful mustacho mug (that I'm currently sipping from), and yes, I may have the tendency to go a tad bit overboard with some of my crafting.  But damnit, these poms are amazing!!!  See exhibit B for another example of why I'm the shit.  Also see exhibit B for the cutest blurry picture of little Mustacho (who has been trying to attack said poms for the past 2 days)

So, friends, family, and sorority sisters ... you see that I can indeed craft. However, you should probably continue to keep me away from crafts intended for needy children.  Ya know, just in case I have a craft relapse.

Oh and PS, I LOVE my sorority and my sorority sisters.  Big ups to my sissies, because you are indeed the shit.  Even if you won't let me craft.

I Have ADD, Doctors Cannot Confirm

Tomorrow starts a very lengthy (but fun, hopefully!) weekend.  I'll be driving up to Boston from the Baltimore-Metro area for my future sister-in-law's bridal shower/bachelorette party weekend.  The drive is about 8 hours each way, and I leave early tomorrow morning to start my journey.

There are several items to consider in terms of how I will entertain myself during two 8 hour drives.  As someone who has undiagnosed ADD, I must assure that I can both entertain and still concentrate on the road.  It's a dangerous balance that I am willing to attempt to keep.  Here are some ideas:

1) Book on tape (one may call it an "audio book"): I've never used this tool before, as I normally like to actually read books (I'm worried that I'll get distracted and won't actually pay attention).  Do the voices change according to character?  Or is it one monotone voice?  There was a book available at the public library about something ghetto ... are the voices age and situation appropriate, or is some old white man always the narrator?  I'll be heading to the library today to investigate.
2) Calling everyone I know: This will likely not be an option, for two primary reasons: a) I just got a new cell and have like 5 numbers, and b) I just googled "state cell phone laws" and all 6 of the states I'm passing through have hands-free laws.  I have a bluetooth, but I hate it.  Poop.
3) Listening to the radio: Yes, I'm oldschool and don't have an "i" anything and won't be listening to music via modern day technology.
4) Mooning passers-by: I cannot promise that this will or will not happen.
5) Judging passers-by: Something I do in everyday life, how could I not do it during the drive?
6) Attempting to act like I know how to read a map: Cross that off the list, I really can't.  Thank you google maps.

Conclusion?  I'm going to be REALLY bored.  Please post encouraging words via my phone, email, facebook, and/or blog.  They will all be appreciated and necessary, especially by hour 6 or 7.  Or hour 1 or 2 on Sunday when I'm driving my hungover ass home.

Love, love, love!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My (Not So Secret) Obsession

I've been debating whether or not I want to discuss this topic, as it is pretty strange and has the potential to weird people out a bit.  After a bit of discussion with a few of my friends, I've decided that I need to share this topic with the world, because it seems as though more people are interested in it than I originally thought.

I love the Amish.  Specifically, I love the ex-Amish who have the balls to leave their Amish communities and spread their little ex-Amish wings into the "real" world.  I've been intrigued by this community for quite awhile, due to my first Amish documentary, Amish at the Alter.  The doc outlined the traditions of courting and getting married in the Amish community, as well as an ex-Amish couple who wanted to get married in the traditional way.  Super interesting!  But who are these ex-Amish?!

My friend Wikipedia informed me about rumspringa, a period of time for a 16-year old Amish boy or girl to basically go wild and do all the "English" (or non-Amish) activities ... drinking, smoking, pre-marital sex ... and then they make the decision whether to return to the Amish community and become baptized into the Amish church or not.  These kids must have a lot of willpower to go back.  I mean, I get it, morals and family are really important and whatnot, but going from a loosie goosie to going back to the strict and pure Amish lifestyle has to be difficult.  Good for them.

Cue to last spring when I got a new client in Lancaster, PA.  Home of the Amish!  What an exciting opportunity to come across my favorite subjects to study.  I was so excited when I was told to go visit the hospital for a meeting.  Right in the middle of Amish country!  I'll admit it was a huge disappointment when I saw not one single horse and buggy, no lady in traditional clothes, and no young man with suspenders.  I was both hurt and furious.  How dare they send me to the Amish community and now allow me to make friends with one single solitary Amish?!?!  It still enrages me and coworkers still rag me on it.

Soon after my disappointing visit to Lancaster, I saw another amazing documentary on NatGeo, Amish: Out of the Order.  This doc highlighted the ex-Amish community and both the struggles and triumphs of leaving the Amish community.  The Amish are really great people with a very strong tie to community and family, so it must be terrible for them to leave that all behind when they leave the Amish lifestyle.  The Amish shun anyone who leaves the order, and many ex-Amish are never able to see their family again.  I couldn't even imagine it ... I mean, my family occasionally has the tendency to drive me nuts, and they don't always agree with everything I do/believe in, but I could never imagine them shunning me.  Just think: one day, you have a kid that you love and would do anything for, and then the next day you are done with them for good?  Terrible.

Anyways, the people on Amish: Out of the Order make attempts to continue with the lifestyle of embracing one's community and family, by bonding with other ex-Amish.  This one fella basically fosters new ex-Amish kids, gives them a roof over their heads, food in their tummies, a job to eventually support themselves, and teaches them about the "English" or non-Amish life.  The Amish don't believe in government, so they don't have a social security #, no birth certificate; it's like they never existed according to our government.  The interviewer asks the guy if he thinks he's going to hell for leaving the Amish community, and even after all the good that he's doing for the ex-Amish kids, he thinks he's still going to hell ... ugh break my heart.

I researched to see if there were any books on the topic of the ex-Amish, but many seem to be a lot of "whoa is me" crapola that doesn't interest me.  There are a few that I'm trying to track down (some idiot out there apparently has the same agenda and borrowed a book from the library about this very topic--I had no idea that others were also interested in the ex-Amish.  I wonder if it's a single male ...).  I'll be sure to report back on my findings.

The book that I'm most innerested in is Rumspringa: To Be or Not to Be Amish, which is based on the movie Devil's Playground (which is airing again on NatGeo on June 6th at 8pm.  Yes, it's on my calendar.  And yes, I am VERY excited).

I have yet to watch the entire Lifetime movie, Amish Grace, but I'd like to check it out. It's a nonfictional movie about a shooting in an Amish community and a grieving mother who can't find forgiveness, which is a huge deal.  Looking forward to checking it out at some point.

So, there ya have it.  Conclusion: I'm obsessed with the Amish, in all forms and am on a constant search for new Amish information.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Favorite TV Shows Part III

Happy Monday, snitches!

Quints by Surprise: adorable babies + cute parents = a fun show to watch.  Those parents are pretty awesome.  The dad looks like a neanderthal and that kinda creeps me out, but otherwise I enjoy it.

Roseanne: my #1 favorite show of all time ... this is classic and hilarious.  I prefer the earlier seasons (as I do with most shows), but all 9 seasons are amazing.  Thankfully, this is another series that is on late at night on the weekends when I come home from the bar.  Otherwise, I'd be purchasing the entire series with no regret.
Rock of Live: picture this: Bret Michaels (when he wasn't so concerned about being a dad and whatnot) and a ton of hotmess whores.  Hilarious?  Duh.  Amazing?  Of course. Holy shit, I just researched and they have the DVDs on Amazon.  This may be an early birthday present to myself
Ruby: I was just talking to my bestie Lizzy G about this today ... I really hate that I'm losing faith in Ruby, but I used to be totally in her corner.  But she recently gained a lot of the weight back, is still in love with that douchebag, and STILL doesn't think something traumatic happened to her in her childhood?!  Please.  Regardless, her show is on my list because I loved the earlier seasons.
RuPaul's Drag Race: I would occasionally watch the earlier seasons of this show, but I was hooked upon watching this past season.  Call me crazy, but I really love watching these gals dress up and get all caddy and bitch each other out.  It's great!  My favorite, as you may have guessed from my previous posts, is Alexis Mateo.

Saved by the Bell: I still watch this show in the morning occasionally, and it's still classic.  Here's my favorite clip ... but I came across this and had to share.
Saturday Night Live: I unfortunately didn't get to watch SNL much because I work at the bar on Saturdays, but VH1 has kindly started airing episodes, for which I am very grateful. 
Scrubs: I think I've seen every episode 10 or more times, but it's great!  I have such a crush on J.D. on this show and I really love the later seasons where Dr. Kelso is retired and whatnot.

True Life: The show's kinda gone downhill from all the really crazy drug episodes, but it's still pretty good.  The episode "I'm Getting Married" has this amazingggg couple that is by far my favorite.
Toddlers & Tiarras: Ugh this is AMAZING!  These spoiled (read: bratty) little girls get all dolled up to please their psycho mothers.  My four favorite episodes: one little girl who has a ginger disabled puppet baby (I can't even make this crap up); a little pageant deer slayer ("And I'll cut him in the belly.  And I'll cut him in the back and his arms off.  And I'll cut his hair off.  And I'll cut his eyes off.  And I'll cut his mouth off"); a creepy child who falls off her chair (I just watched this clip 3 times over and cracked up every time); and a child who REALLY loves her pacifier.  God, this show needs to come back on ASAP.
The Best Thing I Ever Ate: Some of my favorite food personalities tell you the best places to get food.  Most of them I'd never eat, but it's still fun to watch.

Unwrapped: I love learning about interesting stuff.  And I love food.  Put that together, and you get a lovely show about the makings of delish treats.  And Mark Summers hosts it, which just makes things even better

Watch What Happens Live: I really love that Andy fella.  And he talks about some of my favorite shows on Bravo.  Perfect combo.

(e)Xtreme Couponing: Creative with the letters, no?  This show is great, cuz it shows really crazy ladies (and a gentleman or two) who buy a ridiculous amount of groceries for really cheap (or free) using their coupons.  Entertaining, yes.  Would I ever do it myself?  Hell no.

You're Cut Off!: I love watching bratty bitches get stuff taken away from them.  However, you know that their parents are just going to let them have whatever they want as soon as the show is over.  Can their parents adopt me?

Friday, May 13, 2011


Happy Friday the 13th, all!  Here's hoping that no one has an unlucky day ...

Here's what is great about today:
  • I finally got the guts to ask my boss if I could get a bigger raise at the end of June (I'm already slated for one, but it's smaller than what I think I deserve) ... she completely supports the idea and is going to push for it.  Yay $$!
  • I booked my facial for this Sunday (I've had a livingsocial credit for about 6 months).  Can't wait to relax!
  • I found a later flight to take up to Boston for a business trip on Tuesday(normally I go up at 6am, found one for 9 instead) and that will make for a MUCH better day (and thus, a much less cranky Cat Lady)
  • Although the sun isn't out today and it's looking a little gloomy out, the weather has been gorgeous lately and I'm all about it
  • Carlton and Mustacho are the cutest babies ever.  Here's proof:

Weekend = almost here!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Favorite TV Shows Part II

F (continued)~
The Flintstones!  Ugh my favorite show everrrr!  How could I forget this amazing show?  My favorite episodes are the "movies" for Christmas, but the show is also the shiz.
Fresh Prince of Bel Air: Obviously I love this show ... I named my cat after one of the characters.  It's just a funny, funny show and I have loved it since I was a little kid (and yes, I still watch it)

Grey's Anatomy: Already talked about it, but I still like it.
Gilmore Girls: I'm not ashamed to admit that I really love this show.  It's completely stupid and can get a little annoying with the constant talka talka talka talka but it's still entertaining.  I watch it at 5 on Fox Family every day.  Don't judge.
The Golden Girls: Betty White has always been one of my favorite actresses, but the rest of the gals are awesome too.  I have watched this show since I was in kindergarten (perhaps a little too young to be watching that whore Blanche) and my friends in school used to quiz me by showing 5 seconds of an episode and having me explain the whole episode in detail.  Pathetic?  No, just one of my many hidden talents.

Home Improvement: Yes, I secretly had a crush on Tim the Toolman Taylor when I was a kid.  JTT grossed me out cuz he was like a foot tall.

I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant: I don't necessarily love this show, it actually freaks me out. However, I do love the idiots on the show that show all the signs of pregnancy and STILL have to 'pee it out' in the toilet and are just so shocked that they're having a child.  Hilarious.  Please view this lovely clip to better understand. 
I Love New York: Now this was classic.  Just pure classic.  New York was (and likely still is) my favorite hotmess ever.  I wish I could just watch her daily life.  Or really, I wish that her daily life was a reality dating show and I could watch that on the daily.

Jersey Shore: Duh!  Jersey Shore (seasons 1 and 3; 2 kinda sucked but obviously I still watched and enjoyed) is just freaking hilarious.  Those characters are amazing and I love analyzing them.  I'm not going to go into detail with my obsession, because that'll just be annoying, but I'd like to point out that the Situation wasn't getting a lot of ladies this season ... does anyone else think he had an STI?
Jerseylicious: I'm gonna leave it to my buddy Jessie Green at And I Can't Help But Wonder ... to describe this show, because her passion may have perhaps surpassed mine (if only for this one show)
Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best: A new-ish show on WE, about Joan Rivers and her family.  That lady is sassy and wonderful, if not a little frail looking, which is a bit concerning.  I love Joan Rivers.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Yes, I'll admit it, I love this family.  They're a bunch of crazies, but it's very entertaining.  I hate Kim and her baby voice (actually, I hate all of the baby voices), but Rob is a good lookin fella, and they all have entertaining antics.  Sure, their family dynamics are likely all for the camera, but I'm fine with that.
King of the Hill: I used to watch this show a lot with one of my college roommates.  It's pretty brilliant and I should probably start watching it again.
Kathy Griffin My Life on the D-List: I love every single thing about Kathy Griffin and all of her shows ... standup comedy shows, her reality series, etc etc etc.  She also has a really great book that I highly highly recommend (I have it if anyone wants to borrow).  I like that Kathy Griffin is hilarious and has such a spunky on point perspective on comedy, but I also really love that she will talk about her personal life too.  Love love love her.  Kathy, your tickets for your live show shouldn't be so expensive.

Ok, I was going to try to act like I really loved some show like Laguna Beach so that I can complete this list, but I really don't like the show.  The end.

Maury: Sometimes I like to watch Maury in the morning if I don't have a lot of work calls.  I, of course, love all of the "Who's the Baby Daddy?!?!" episodes, but Maury has more to offer.  I recently watched the cutest episode ever with cuddly animals (like baby cheetahs and lions) and I always love watching the "My Kid is 800lbs and I Just Don't Get Why!" shows.  Classic tv.
My Strange Addiction: ILOVETHISSHOW!!!!  My favorite episode is DaveCat and his sex doll (why the hell is that his name?  Not a clue) because it's just freaky and wonderful.  So anyways, the show highlights people's strange addictions (shocking, I know) and you can get a good glimpse into the lives of these freaks.  Other favorites include a lady addicted to puppets (yes, puppets) and a girl who eats couch cushions. 
Mama's Family: I used to watch this show with my dad a lot and I probably need to buy the series because it is hilarious. Basically about an old lady and her hick family and all the stupid things they do.
My Big Redneck Wedding: Rednecks.  Getting Married.  Hilarious.  My friend Chelsea Handler will explain.

The Nanny: I used to watch this a lot when I was younger, and recently got back into it (mainly because it is on TV Land in the wee hours of the night when I get home from working at the bar).  If you can get past the annoying voice, it's a really cute show.

The Office:  Duh.

The Price is Right (only when Bob Barker was the host): I watched this when I was in kindergarten, eating my hammich before the bus.  Sadly, this is one of my most vivid memories as a tot.  Apparently my parents sat me in front of the tv a lot.  Anyway, Bob was great and I loved when he was starting to get way too old to be on the show.  And when he had the scandal about hookin up with one of the models.  And I loved when the really excited ghetto ladies would come on the stage and Bob would try to deal with them.  Hilarious.
Planet Earth: It was a HUGE deal when this show came out (and really, no wonder, it's amazing) ... It's soooo interesting and pretty gosh darn fantastic to watch.  And now, people are motivated to create hilarious parody voiceovers of this show (ok, this isn't from Planet Earth, but it's my favorite clip in the series.  Honeybadger don't care, honeybadger doesn't give a shit)
Pawn Stars: Vegas is a pretty great place, but I unfortunately have yet to visit the pawn shop featured in this show.  Picture this: rare, really cool antiquey things that come into the shop to get appraised and sold, a special guy named Chum, and a really old man named (appropriately so) Old Man.  There are two other fellas too that are great, but Chum and Old Man stole the show.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Single and Not At All Ready to Mingle

Hello, readers!  Today I'm taking a break from my list of favorite tv shows (don't worry, I'll get around to finishing it) ... instead I'd like to go down my top 'why it sucks being single' list.

My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up recently and let me tell you ... it sucked.  It still sucks.  And it'll probably continue to suck, thankfully a little less each day.  I should publicly apologize to all of my ex's for the crapola I likely put them through, because this is romantic karma biting me on the tush.

Anyways, here goes nothin'.  And really, I'm just trying to be funny, not spiteful (for the most part):

1) Now without a boyfriend or a roommate, I can officially declare myself to be a crazy cat lady.  Two cats plus one me minus a significant other = a seriously crazy cat lady.  Help!

2) Sundays used to be a day of rest and spending time with the Ex.  Now my attempts to make the day really busy have made me quite sleepy.  A sleepy Cat Lady is a cranky Cat Lady.

3) If I hear another customer at my bar ask about my relationship status, I'm going to scream.  I'M SINGLE, FOLKS!  And no, that doesn't mean I am available for the taking.  A new favorite line of mine: I'm single and not at all ready to mingle.

4) How do adults date?!  It was easy in college ... I'd be at a frat party, see a guy from my math class, and instantly have something to talk about.  The Ex and I were friends before we started dating and we got together right out of college.  Adult dating, I feel, will be more difficult.  Considering I don't attend frat parties and/or math class.

So there's the list.  I have absolutely the best friends on the planet and I really really love them for being there for me.  Oh, and if you know someone to set up with a crazy cat lady ... give them my digits in about 6 months. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Favorite TV Shows Part I

Well, I made a little list of all my favorite TV shows of all time and decided to discuss them in depth.  Because I have nothing better to do, and obviously you don't have anything better to do but read:

7th Heaven: That's right, I'm enough of a woman to start off my favorite TV show list with something this cheesy.  And I'm not afraid to admit that I LOVED this show.  And even worse, I was really upset when Fox Family stopped airing it about a year ago.  What terrible acting and what a cheesy, cheesy concept, but it was good quality crap

(That's) Amore!: An amazing sequel to the Shot of Love series with a cutie Italian who was seeking an American lover.  The girls weren't that memorable, but I enjoyed the typical MTV/VH1 "reality" dating plotline.  And the guy on the show was a cutie.

Bethenny Ever After: Again, pretty cheesy, but it's a cute show and Bethenny cracks me up. No, I am not inspired by her work ethic or whatever, I just think it's a cute show.
Best Week Ever: No, I don't really watch the news, but I did love watching this show on VH1 to get updated on my weekly news.  It's basically like the Soup with a bunch of different people commenting on events rather than just Joel and it's on my level in terms of funny.  VH1 better get this show back on the air.
Bridezillas: What an amazing cast of characters.  These bitches are crazy and I love it!  I think it's a requirement for these girls to think they're hotties and be drop dead FUGLY.  Same goes for their weddings.  All of them are ugly.  Ugly girls, ugly personalities, ugly weddings ... and I love it.  This bitch is one of my favorites and this one is pretty great too.

Charm School: A big ol group of hotmess gals from some of the VH1 reality dating shows that attempt to learn to behave.  CLASSIC!!  These girls are hilarious and I reallllly love watching them all together
Cake Boss: I have a huge crush on Buddy from this show and he is just so great at making cakes and hanging out with his really annoying family, and it's just wonderful
Charm City Cakes: Yes, this is a much better cake show.  Because Duff is awesome and it's it Bmore.  Big ups to Bmore.
Chappelle's Show: Who doesn't love this show?  There are like a million quotes from this show, but two of my favorites are piss on you and fuck yo couch

Dinosaurs: Do you remember this show? Ugh, I used to love it!  I used to watch it in the morning with my dad before school and both of us thought it was the best thing since sliced bread
Daisy of Love: Yes, I will absolutely mention all of my favorite reality dating shows, and this one is pretty fantastic.  All the guys looked like adolescent punksters ... literally no one was attractive, and I really loved seeing how cracked out that Daisy character was
Dad Camp: Picture this ... deadbeat baby daddies, hormonal preggo women, and a bunch of challenges to "make the daddies better" ... drama, fighting, bitchy women, immature men ... terrific.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: Ok, I know how cheesy this is.  However, this really tugs at my heart strings and I am known to cry when I watch.  The only thing I dislike about the show is that they pull these families who don't have enough $$ to pay for groceries and then ... Poof!  Take off of work for a week!  Poof! Now you're expected to pay double, triple, or more on your energy bill.  Great.  Anyway, if I don't think about that, I really do love the show and it's great to see communities coming out and helping a family in need and whatnot.

Flava of Love: ugh what an AMAZING show!  Seeing that gross man (who also happens to be wonderful) slobber all over those girls ... hilarious.  And the girl who pooped during the elimination ceremony?  Get outta here, that's truly amazing, classic tv.  Flav, I would really appreciate it if you were to have another show.
Four Weddings: I love any show about weddings, but this one is pretty great. Picture this: 4 women go to each other weddings and judge them.  I especially like the episodes in NY or NJ because they usually are a little more caddy and that's always entertaining for me.  Of course it's pretty predictable, as they usually have one super conservative broad and then another crazy hippy, which always results in some shock and caddy comments.  It's great!

Monday, May 9, 2011

I Really Love TV

Happy Monday, readers!  Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and a fun-filled Mother's Day.  I got to spend the evening at dinner with my parents, brother, and future sister-in-law and had a great time. 

My brother and future sister-in-law came over to my place before dinner, and my brother and I went down the usual list of "are you watching ...?" and "did you see ... last week?" and I realized yet again how very much I love tv.

I have on numerous occasions made a "TV list" outlining when I need to sit my fatass on the couch and watch the important shows.  Below is a list of a few of my current favorites:
  • Mob Wives: I didn't watch this week's episode, but who wouldn't love a show highlighting the illegal lifestyles of 4 crazy bitches?  It's amazing.  This show has quite a few of my requirements for good quality tv: drama, bitches, fighting in some form (verbal is good, but physical is more entertaining), and people who in general make me feel better about my own life
  • Sister Wives: what an amazing concept!  I genuinely like the family on this show (for those idiots out there who haven't had the opportunity to watch this fantastic show, it's about a polygamist family with one husband and 4 wives and their millions of kids) and I really feel for them when they talk about the stress that they're having due to the illegalities of their lifestyle.  The kids are pretty well rounded and as long as the kids aren't all messed up from it, who the hell cares how these people live their life?  Good for them for coming out with their lifestyle, despite the consequences.  And more importantly, thank you for providing entertaining tv on a Sunday evening.
  • Strange Sex: title is pretty much self expanatory: it's about strange sex conditions or circumstances for a bunch of people.  It's great!  Trannies?  Check.  Gals who hurt when they have sex?  Check.  A 36 year old virgin?  Check.  It's great!  Again, this show makes me feel better about my own self.  Another important quality for tv: I love watching shows that are about science or psychology (with a twist of drama and/or 'make me feel good about myself' quality)
  • That brings me to another favorite ... Intervention: this show has single-handedly taught me all of the different types of drugs that my customers at the bar are on.  I now know the difference between heroin, coke, and meth addicts!  Thanks, Intervention.  This show just tugs on my heart strings.  I truly want all of the addicts to get better and realize how to cope with their disease.  In the process, I also enjoy watching their hotmess behavior before they get better.
  • Teen Mom: ok, let me premise by saying that these girls are all IDIOTS and I personally would like to teach sex ed to all dumbass girls who don't know what birth control is.  Really?  This show has been on for several years and there are still girls on the show who think they "can't" get preggo or don't know what a condom is.  Hello!  Anyway, this brings out my love for all things science, psychology, drama, bitches, fighting (both verbal and physical), and people who make me feel better about my own life. What a terrific combination!  And I truly do feel for some of these dumbasses, despite my wish to not care.
  • Real Housewives of ...: I love them all.  Miami was pretty lame, but every other version of this show has been wonderful.  Drama, drama, drama!  Idiots, idiots, idiots!  I really love everything about it!  Ugh, sometimes I just want to reach through the tv screen and strangle these girls.  But then, I wouldn't be able to watch them, so I don't.
  • The Soup: there are a few reasons why I love this show ... a) it outlines all of the hilarious shows that either I missed or I want to see again, and b) the host is a hilarious hottie.  Yea, I said it.
Of course there are the obvious shows such as The Office and Grey's Anatomy that I also love.  Grey's was really annoying for awhile, but I'm back into the groove of it because that twerp Meredith isn't as stupid and annoying.  The Office is hilarious always and forever and I'm really depressed that Michael Scott is gone :(

I bet I could make an A-Z list of my favorite shows ... maybe I'll make that a task for later.

Friday, May 6, 2011


I can't believe I remembered to do this for a second Friday in a row ... maybe my memory is improving (doubtful)

Here's my Fill Up My Heart Friday list for the day:
  • I got to see my bestest friend from college, 'Mizz J' last night to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.  We have a running tradition of spending May 5th together ... starting in college with $1 margarita nights (oh how I miss those!), then she came to visit me for the past 2 years.  This year I got to go down to Virginny and spent the evening with my buddy and her hilarious family.  Had the best time ever, and my face still hurts from laughing
    Sinko de Mayo
  • My coworker, 'Johnny' sent me an email with this lovely picture, with the caption "Happy Cinco de Mayo" yesterday and it cracked me up.
  • This Sunday is Mother's Day and I'm going to dinner with my parents, brother, and future sister-in-law.  Cream of crab soup, here I come!!  Oh and I'm excited to spend time with my family too :)
  • Saturday is my 4 year anniversary with my company.  I feel old, and I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking it out for 4 years already.  Go me.
  • There's a surprise birthday party for one of my really awesome customers tonight.  Hoping to make some much needed $$ and it should be a great time
  • I took time off yesterday, and it was pretty great.  Everyone should take a random PTO day, I completely support them
Have a great weekend, kittens!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I Hate PA.

After a rather tiring business trip up to Boston, I pondered something that I often think about while walking through the BWI airport ... the folks who frequent this airport are some of the most unfortunate looking people I have ever come across.  Not to say that Baltimorons are particularly unfortunate looking, I actually consider the Baltimore-Metro area to be full of attractive Joes and Jills.  However, the folks who are in the BWI airport often provide me with some great people-watching and grossout moments.

Here's the ratio that I like to use in terms of all things wonderful/beautiful/successful/intelligent/amazing:
Baltimorons (and Marylanders in general) are alllll the wayyyy up hereeeeee

Other states are down here ...

and PA is alllll the wayyyyyy down hereeeee.

In case you haven't already noticed, I hate PA.  I hate it so much it gives me chills.  The people, their driving, their appearance, their manners, their intelligence (or lack there of), and specifically their stupid ass football team ... piss me off.  A lot.  So thusly, I'm going to blame all of the "beauties" at the BWI airport on PA. 

Now, I have frequented a pretty decent amount of airports due to my career, either as a layover hub, or as a destination.  I'd say the best people watching/ugliest people encountered occurred in Pioria, IL.  In general, those people are poor unfortunate souls.  Very nice people, but holy 1992.

Back to my hatred for PA: I've really pissed off (non-Marylanders) about my distaste/disgust for Pennsyltucky.  If you lived close to PA, you'd understand.  I have friends in VA, and lots of coworkers in MA who just don't get it.  And they wouldn't, unless they were really close to PA and had to suffer through seeing/hearing these disgusting people on a regular basis.  My biggest disgust?  When someone with a PA license plate, driving all messed up on MY highway has a Raven's or an O's sticker on their car.  Get the eff outta here!  Go back to PA, support your stupid team, enjoy your reduced housing taxes, and shut the hell up.

Go Ravens!  Go O's!  Go Bmore!  Go Maryland!  PA sucks.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Poop E. Doop = Stuff or Things

I just talked to my best buddy, Lizzy G, on Skype and thought I'd share one of our favorite stories with readers.

Let me preface by saying that there are plenty of things out there that Lizzy G and I find to be quite normal until we tell others ... then we realize how weird we are.  Case in point: my cat's names.  I never thought that Carlton Banks or Mustacho were out of the ordinary ... until I had to tell the vet and friends/family.  It never really occurred to me that I'd be telling people the names of my kitty babies.  Oh well.  Apparently people prefer the names Fluffy and Kitty or something equally uncreative.

Anyways, when Lizzy G and I first lived in downtown Baltimore, we were trying to think of a good wireless network name.  Suddenly, it came to us: Poop E. Doop!  Of course!  Our favorite thing to say ... how could we not make this our wireless name?  Again, we thought nothing of this, until I had to get my computer worked on for work and someone dialed in remotely ... and "Wireless Connection: Poop E. Doop" appeared on my screen.  Oops, embarrassing. 

Lizzy G and I carried on the Poop E. Doop tradition in our second apartment together, and I have the same name here living on my own.  My future sister-in-law tried to use her laptop last weekend and needed the wireless network name ... embarrassing again.  I guess it's worth the few embarrassing times, because it always cracks me up when I see my network name.  I just got a new phone this weekend and it pops up on my screen: AT&T- Poop E. Doop.  Very refreshing to see. 

So, here's the Poop E. Doop story.  And if you don't think the name Poop E. Doop is funny, then you need to step it up and get on my level.

Lizzy G and I worked for a promotional company over the summer when we were in college, and one campaign we were promoting was a mortgage company.  We basically had to get people to sign up for this sweepstakes that paid off someone's mortgage at the end of the summer, in exchange for a lot of personal information.  Anyways, we did this at a lot of the O's games, which was a blast because, if you're from Bmore, you know that O's fans like to get pretty wasted.  We had a protocol for how many of these information cards we had to fill out by the end of an evening, and normally ended up creating a few of our own to make the #s. 

One evening, after getting tired of all the John Smiths and Joe Schmoes, I decided to fill in a card for a character I created named Poop E. Doop (and if you say the name outloud, you always have to say Poop E period Doop).  Of course, Lizzy G and I thought this was so absurdly hilarious that we started using the name in everyday life (this was long before my wireless network name).  Instead of using the boring words "stuff" or "things," we would say Poop E. Doop.  Ex: "Just take that bag of Poop E. Doop to the trash" or "Would you mind getting your Poop E. Doop out of my sight?"  Hilarious.  Feel free to use the term.