Monday, June 20, 2011

Noodle Pool

Many people have fantasies ... and no, I'm not talking about the dirty kind (although, many people have those kind of fantasies as well).  Mine is a very specific, very detailed dream.  It all started when I viewed a film with one of my most hated actors imaginable. 

Patch Adams, a wonderful person, a lovely film, a terrible actor to portray him.  And, as you'll see in the clip here, a fantastically amazing fantasy.  To swim in a pool of noodles!

However, my pasta fantasy goes a bit further than that little cutie just wanting to swim in a large kiddy pool full of half noodles, half goo.  My fantasy is very specific ... but I figure, if I'm gonna have a fantasy, it's gonna be damn detailed and damn good.

Ok, so picture this:
Me.  In a bathingsuit bottom, no top (I want to feel the noodles, but not in my vajay).  I will have some type of contraption protecting my hair, but not causing a headache as a swimming cap would.  Goggles.  That won't hurt my head.  But I'd like to see under pasta.  A huge, olympic sized pool.  Heated.  With no one else.  Unless, that is, I decide that I get bored and want some company.  Then, I will have several friends waiting for my signal, and they will join me. 

The type and flavor of noodle is very important as well.  I want these noodles to be warm (but not hot), so that I may both swim in them, and eat as I please.  I also would like the noodles to be angelhair.  Spaghetti noodles just won't do.

The type of sauce is very important, as I don't want too many chunks to swim in, but I want it to be tasty and smooth.  I would like Barilla tomato and basil as my flavor of choice.  I also would like several "floaties" of bread (both the delicious bread from Carrabbas and Texas Toast brand garlic bread) so that I may play on said items and consume them.

Rules in my noodle pool include:

a) No peeing. This is way too obvious to explain.  However, some people are pool peers (and I'll admit, I have peed in the ocean when I was really cold.  There are freaking dead people in the ocean, my pee means nothing in comparison) and I just won't let them pee in my noodles.  And, of course, I'll be eating said noodles at a moment's notice, so I would prefer their to be no pee in my food.
b) Noodle pool temperature is determined based upon the fantisizor.  If you don't like it, you can leave.
c) My noodle pool, my rules.  New rules may come up at any moment.  And if you're hanging out in my noodle pool, you're gonna listen up, buckos!

After giving my dear friend Mizz J a sneak peak of this blog post, she asked me about the possibility of someone drowning in my noodle pool.  I told her it wouldn't happen, but if it does, I want it on my tombstone.  I seriously and genuinely do if that's how I happen to die.  Make a note of it.

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