Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Mr. and Mrs. Big Brother

The new Mr. and Mrs.
Well, folks, I am happy to announce that I have a shiny brand new sister (-in-law) and lots of new sisters and brothers (-in-laws).  The wedding was lovely, and I honestly can say that I have never seen my brother quite so happy.  And that includes when he got his Nintendo when we were 5 and 7.  And when the Ravens won the Superbowl.  And when he found out that I am single and his baby sister is no longer dating a foreigner who is 10 years older. So that's saying something.

It was a long weekend, but totally worth the trip with two parents over the age of 55 who had no clue how to travel, standing in heels for 10+ hours, and standing, walking, crying, and talking in front of the Greek masses on several occasions. 

Let's first tackle the issue of my parents traveling ... what a mess.  I had been warning them about security, anti-smoking laws in airports, my inability to put up with massive amounts of their bullshit for several weeks prior to the big trip.  I explained how to pack and the limitations I was putting on their baggage (I literally had to explain to my mom 3 or 4 times why she couldn't pack a bottle of gin, a bottle of wine, and a corkscrew in her carry-on); I explained the security procedures and the lay of the land; I mapped out our routes and explained time and time again about why we were leaving for the airport 2 hours before our flight.

Our clueless traveler
Unfortunately, despite all of the measures that I took to make this a pain-free trip, I was still plagued by the drama that is my parents.  My mother insisted that she didn't need to take off her jewelery before going through security (which of course made the alarms go off and took 5 minutes for her to remove all of her tacky gold bracelets); she then insisted that she wouldn't get arrested if she smoked in the airport, on the plane, or in any area marked "NO SMOKING;" she also insisted that she didn't need a seat belt, that her cellphone could stay on (and that she could make calls) during the flight, and that her purse could remain on her lap during takeoff and landing.  As you may imagine, I was annoyed, the male flight attendant wanted to beat her over the head with his drink tray, and the poor fella sitting next to her treated the situation like a car crash: didn't want to look, but couldn't turn away.

My new sister-in-law's family couldn't have been more wonderful, friendly, and loving.  I am so happy to have family up in Boston, for many reasons: a) I always have someone to stay with (and really, many someones) if I ever want to hang out in Boston when I'm not on business, b) I have a good 10 or so women looking to hook me up with a Greek man (including her Yaya--or grandmother--who is now on the prowl), and c) I really didn't know that I wanted a bigger family until these folks came into our lives; I was always really happy just being me and my big brudder, but they're pretty lovely, so I'll consider it.

Token wedding creeper

Other highlights from the weekend:
  •  I told all of the bridesmaids that our dear family friend was looking to sleep with one of them ... until I realized that the only single bridesmaid was my sister-in-law's little sister ... who is 14.  All of the 'maids thought this was hilarious, of course and we stalked him out for a pic.  Check out how creepy he is:
    The sexiest Jamaican alive
    Spotting all of my brother's best friends at one table, which I like to call the Nerd Squad ... everyone either a) was overweight, b) had glasses, or c) had both endearing qualities.  I, of course, got to dance with all of the (single) Nerd Squad members, and loved every moment of it.  This fella was one that we were all fighting over if he was chosen to be a groomsman (he wasn't, so the other maids didn't get a beatdown)
  • The best man (from Bmore) included something in his speech about converting the bride to a Raven's fan ... in Boston.  Before anyone comprehended what he said, I hooped and hollered ... and then the entire room booed.  Classic!
  • The. Whitest. Dancing. Ever.  Led, of course, by my brother and me.  It was pretty embarrassing now that I think about what a terrible job we were doing in representing our race, but what am I to do when Journey and The Killers come on?  Rock the eff out, of course.  Lots of the dice dance, fist pumping, and general white people dancing.

My handsome big brother

Anyways, it was a lovely weekend and I am so very happy for my big brother.  Please refrain from blessing me with nieces and nephews for quite awhile!

Love, love, love!

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