Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Non-Drowsy My Ass

Allegra, you are NOT non-drowsy.  Yes, I admit, I am a little bitch on medication.  Yes, I slept for 2 days straight on one Benedryl in college.  Yes, I get drugged up from two Advil.  But non-drowsy shouldn't mean "gets me effed up for 18 hours straight"

Just sayin'

Monday, April 2, 2012

Sometimes I Just Wanna Jam

... and by sometimes, I mean all the time.  And by jam, I mean listen/dance to terrible, beautiful, classic 90's rap/R&B music.  What of it?

I've always been known to play some terrific (read: annoying) jams at my bar on the weekends in order to entertain everyone (read: myself).  However, the last two weekends have really impressed even my (tacky) self.  Some hit jams include:
  • Back Dat Azz Up (including quite the booty pop on the side of the bar where only about half my customers could see)
  • Any and all Whitney Houston (duh)
  • And and all Jock Jams songs (did you know that it wasn't spelled Jock JamZ and it's actually an S?  S for stupid.  All kewl stuff should end with a Z)
  • Spice Up Your Life
  • Step in the Name of Love
  • Juicy and other Biggie jamz
  • The Whisper Song (which I forgot was quite vulgar and might have made 4 customers leave upon hearing the chorus.  Whooops)

As you can see, I have impeccable taste.  The phrase "you're too YOUNG for this jam!!" was uttered from my mouth many, many times.  And yes, I was the only sober person in the joint.  Your point?